I just remembered some more pillow talk during this...

When we were talking about me not being able to be "done", she called me "selfish"...like I had to have some "feeling" of giving too. It was a very weird dynamic.

I also told her my revelation about a comment she used to make a long time ago that went like "how can we ML if you don't come to bed with me". I told her that I finally realized that her comment was a macro view of things...my lack of attention to her made her not desire me. But I also told her that I've been coming to bed with her every night with the slight chance that she might just happen to put her book down and say "let's f*ck!". She said she would "store that away for later".

It's kind of sad because I've been very attentive and involved in the family and that quote she used to make was really sort of coercive and cryptic. She obviously wasn't being literal or else she would have initiated at least once in the past 5 months.

I might need start doing the HTR with her when I get into bed at the start of a session. I've been carrying so much anxiety before we get into bed that I almost don't want to start. Last night did help matters at all. If she is going to "do" me, then I need to be able to give her "feedback" that it's spectacular and great and last night I couldn't physically do it...I tried to get my raging beast going but it wouldn't reach it's full potential. Only when we had sex, did it get super-hard. I can't believe I'm about to start having performance anxiety too.

Can someone please explain why I'm physically LD but can actually feel my connection disappear after a couple days then re-bond when we get tother. It's very weird.


Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time -Steven Wright