How can I leave with any kind of comfort if I know that he will probably be with her while I'm gone. How can I continue to show passion and willingness to ML when I am wondering if she was in my bed while I was gone? It's a real romance killer. I wonder if while he's reaching for me in his sleep if it's really her he wants. He's even admitted once when I asked, that he didn't really know it was me at first.
Yah, I glossed over the self-soothing thing and didn't clarify it very well. Self-soothing or "holding onto oneself" is not about being comfortable with yourself, alone...this quote is what it's all about. Being able to be completely relaxed and calm when you are in these situations and especially when you are standing up for yourself and confronting him.
Quote:
He on the other hand, cannot be alone without being engulfed in lonliness. That's a big part of the problem
That's HIS problem, not yours.
I'm a little bit scared to offer advice because your sitch involves a current E&PA. Once you gain some insights through PM, you will then be able to post with a better understanding of your own sitch. Right now, any advice from this board (SSM and other forums) would be "hack" advice. I heard someone tell you to fire your therapist because she said to dump him. I agree that C's are mostly wrong but one who tells you not too might be just as wrong. I know this is tough because your 1 integrity point says "preserve the family" and the other says "don't accept a person into your life who is unfaithful". They contradict one-another. I'm scratching my head on this one because it's a 2-choice dilemma that you shouldn't have to make.
BTW. On the topic of "respect". From the good qualities I mentioned about my W, I *do* respect her. Please don't go thinking that I was saying that your H, unilaterally, doesn't respect you. I was only talking about my sitch.
You should open up a thread here. There's some great folks here who might be able to help but it will be done very "gingerly" because your sitch is much more dramatic than ours.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
