Wow!!! I feel honored to have my thread bring you out.
I will say that I had to do a bit of "ground work" first on myself by reading PM, practicing differentiation, HOM, and asserting my desires. I had to "shake the ground" under my W's wall a couple times to loosen up the mortar. This included a discussion about her "choices" and their affect. It also involved me bringing her to a counsellor who recommended PM.
I feel that we are no longer in the danger zone but I'm very hesitant to say we are "secure", maybe "stable" but not yet "secure". I have yet to have my W come in and say "I really want to go upstairs with you". She's made "initiations" based upon a "frequency" that I desire. For example, she recently said "I would like to fulfill 1/2 of this week's quota". I'm certain that this is simply a way to avoid being too vulnerable.
It's hard for me to accept that she doesn't have the desire to truly initiate...but heck, I sometimes have a hard time initiating too because it's a vulnerable position. Maybe it's not a desire thing at all but simply time and trust. Secondly, I shouldn't worry about "her desire" because that measurement doesn't serve any purpose other than my "other-validated sense of self". I should only pay attention to what I want to share with her, assert myself, and enjoy whatever she decides to bring to the bedroom.
Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time
-Steven Wright
