Had an incident which was "weak". My W and I have the chance for a date night and she wants to see a movie. I asked if we could go to Starbucks afterwards and she said (unenthusiast) "sure". I then said "geez, you really give me the impression that you don't want to go on dates where you have to talk to me" and she gave me a "no..that's not true". (I bet by the end of PM, if she reads it for herself, will be more honest). Anyway, I displayed a pathetic act of fusion. I immediately went in for a hug for reassurance / validation that she wasn't mad by my comment. I actually walked away before even touching her which WAS differentiated compared to the past where I would have gotten all goofy about it.

A few minutes later I walked down and wanted to explain that move and how it was silly and I was able to use some PM terms. I then asked W what she thinks so far of PM. Her answer "it seems kind of obvious to me". I asked if she was seeing patterns in our M and she mentioned how she could see my "validation" issues. So after thinking about this for a few minutes, I realized one of few things are happening. 1. She's not doing any introspection. 2. She IS introspecting but doesn't want to admit any vulnerabilities. 3. A little bit of both. This book is going to be an excellent tool to differentiate on...how ironic.

So I did something that might be considered a blunder. I asked her if she's gotten to the punch-line about couples being "equally differentiated" and she said no. I clarified it again by saying that we each are matched with equally differentiated spouses. This was my effort to plant the seed that she's got some fusion issues too. I'm not certain if, in our monday night PM study, we should allow each other to comment on how we saw the other in the book. I think we have to simply discuss how we individually had new insights. Trying to analyze each other is dangerous and I'm not going to make that mistake again.

The good news about this exercise is that PM is a long book and it will provide many Monday nights of non-tv "connection". The last couple of weeks, I've been not too motivated to talk about things or try very hard. I've been feeling like I did last year. I even asked my W this morning if she thought I was still her "new husband" (a term she coined a while ago when I started being more selfless and involved in the family). She said "yes" and didn't think I was being selfish at all. So maybe it's becoming habit and instinct. This is a good thing. I need to get back to the "subtle pressure" of my own differentiation. Reading this together will really help.


Anywhere is walking distance if you have the time -Steven Wright