Why would D bring J with him? If D does bring J with him, why would it bother you to have her in your house. If you tell D not to bring J, what do you think he'll say?
I personally would not want H's OW in MY house either and really, if D had any sense of decency or respect he would not even think of bring J with him, or letting J invite herself. Really, she HAS no reason to come with him, but then she is an "OW" you never know what they're thinking.
Do you trust D alone in your house?
I'm just asking questions, don't really know how I would react if I was in your sitch though.
