I didn't know if I did or didn't want to start another thread. It was sort of appropriate that the other one ended the day the settlement was agreed upon.
I decided I would totally miss you guys too much if I didn't start a new thread.
This afternoon I have been feeling panic. I am not sure why, I think because the previous agreement gave me a bit of a safety margin. I had insurance, could stay on the Zoloft for a while, get my dental taken care of and the new glasses I need. Plus I had 45 days to decide if I want this house and then we would discuss selling it.
Now things have been really speeded up. It has to be ready to go on the market in 30 days and I only have 90 days to get out of it. No insurance and not nearly as much equity out of the house when it does sell to put into a new home for the kids and I.
I know I need to start looking at the positives rather than the negatives.
Since I know it I will probably do it soon. But this has just sort of been a down time sort of day.
I looked up my Cainercast for today. It says a lot and yet it doesn't. But the part about in the real world there will always be uncertainties hit me, I like assurances and absolutes. That is why I try to manage things and keep them in line I think. So realizing that nothing is certain and that I need to loosen up and relax I hope to find helpful for my future.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
The only people on this planet who know 'all the right answers,' are the ones who are asking all the wrong questions.
In the real world, uncertainties invariably abound. Those of us who are truly wise will accept as much and make an allowance for it.
We will also be rightfully wary of those who feign infallibility or announce their omniscience.
You really aren't sure what to do for the best this weekend. That's great. It means that at least you won't end up allowing arrogance to push you into doing something that turns out to be for the worst.
I found CHL's for today rather interesting.
You may soon start to get a distinct sense of deja-vu. You may soon start to get a distinct sense of deja-vu. There you see, it has started to happen already!
More such repeats and reprises are sure to occur while Venus, the ruler of your sign, is moving backwards through the sky. Sometimes though, the only way to go forward is to go backward, first.
You are retracing your steps so that you can clear up something once and for all. Then you'll be free to head off in a great new direction.
A part of your past holds the key to your future.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Had a sort of nice sort of sad evening with G and his friends last night. It was the usual 3 of them and then a couple that is also friends of theirs that I had never met. They were really nice, but she was feeling no pain by the end of the evening. Not drunk, just relaxed and leaning on her H's shoulder. Made me miss David.
Plus when G and S picked me up during the convo they let me know as they came in from S's house that David was at Janice's.
I really knew that was where he would be, but it still hurt to hear it.
He didn't come by today to pick up any stuff but I didn't really expect him too. He did go to work today and even signed on IM. Normally on his off Friday he NEVER signs on. I always found that odd as I figured if he signed on to talk with J she would be at work and looks like he would have signed on anyway. He signed off around 1:00 or so, but I don't think he usually works all day when it is off day. Sort of does an in and out and check on stuff.
I KNOW. Drop the rope.
I am just VERY emotional today. I think it is the letdown of being keyed up, the realization that it is finally really over and just sadness and regrets. Lots more changes coming in my life.
I am finding it painful to live here knowing it is going to sell.
I wish David would keep it.
I have thought about suggesting that to him when he does come over to work on clean up.
I mean I don't think he ever looked at keeping it because he wanted me to have it and all of his energy was spent on trying to figure ways for me to afford the house.
Then yesterday he was so angry and uncommunicative, that there wouldn't have been any talking to him during the meeting. He didn't know before that I wasn't going to try to keep the house. So he really never had a chance to consider if he might want it.
That is if he DOESN'T marry J. If he is going to do that she already has a house that is paid for, makes it nice.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Ah!! So CHL is a Libra!! So is Pod Person! I read it this morning. Mine was something about not seeing progress in a situation, so turn my attention to something else for now.
DROP that ROPE!!!!
Pam, can D be counted on to help ge the house ready? That's why I've been slowly working on this one. I really can't count on H to help. Of course I don't have a deadline, either.
When you can't make a decision because you are torn between your heart and your head, listen to the half with the brain.
Very nice e-mail I received yesterday from one of the girls who was a student at Findlay when our horses were there and now has one of the horses.
It sounds like you handled yourself amazingly well. I am so happy to hear that you are finding yourself and your center. Like a phoenix, through the ashes you rise.
Downtimes don't crush who you are but show the character you possess. It sounds like you handled yourself with grace, dignity, and confidence. A true lady. I couldn't be happier for you.
You are welcome to come see Tessa anytime and even though you want to take a break from owning your own horse, you are always welcome here to ride or just hang out.
Continue to remember how amazing it felt to stand up for yourself. You did the right thing.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
So this morning I took off to see my A's place. If CHL hadn't heard me talking with her and gettting directions I might not have went. But I wanted to be able to put it in my newsletter since he knew I was planning it. It was fun so I am glad I went.
But I could not believe the driveway! She didn't warn me about it. I kept thinking to myself as I am zig zagging back and forth, I sure hope this is the right place cause there was no place to go but down! The drive is gravel with tall grass in the center and washed out! Constantly down pretty steep but sharp zig zags as you go and you can't see the bottom for the trees!
But gee they have done unbelievable work on this place! There is a gazebo back this path that her H bulldozed out of the hillside, back by a cave with a waterfall coming out of it. She said there is always a cool breeze back there no matter how hot it is out. Plus she said he has some sort of heaters there and you can lay out there in the winter and watch it snow. I asked how she gets out in the winter and she said parks at the top. Now this is a pretty darn long walk in the winter!
It is a place were I younger I would have wanted. But I think I have become a city girl. I am thinking close to town, conveniences and not THAT MUCH work looks much more attractive to me! She has planted flowers all over the place and it is beautiful. But that is her hobby. I want less work and more free time!
They built a shed/boat dock that sits up sort of high by the pond and there was a beautiful breeze coming off the hillside there, and tons of geese, some Canadian geese, ducks and a beautiful swan. She said her other one died two years ago and she hasn't been able to find another one.
The two boards she has to take the lawn mower across the pond spillway then up a hill in an area I can't believe she mows with a riding mower! She did say she put one in the pond one time!
I grew up sort of in the country with the horses, pond, barn and lots of work. But this was way more than I would want to keep up with!
I must have gotten lazy in my old age.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
So realizing that nothing is certain and that I need to loosen up and relax I hope to find helpful for my future. 
Not drunk, just relaxed and leaning on her H's shoulder. Made me miss David. 
