Quote: Hi KAW - JUst wondering what ever happened to CAW's letter that had been left nonchalantly on the nightstand....
Good day Slowly! Thanks for the concern. Its truly a good feeling to know there's such caring folks out there. ... as to the letter, its still sitting there on her address book. There hasn't been any new developments in the past four weeks, which is a part of why I haven't started another thread yet ... nothing to really report.
Now for my mere 2 cents on the topic...
Quote: We talk about mystery, but does this not contradict the safe notion?
I don't think so. Most here focus around the mystery that is to bring about a twang of jealousy to try to draw the WAS back, but there is a whole other aspect of mystery ... the kind directed in just keeping the R "fresh".
After a while we get to know one another thru our daily routine and habits. We come to expect certain action and behaviors from one another ... we come predictable. When something/someone becomes predicatble, there is a loss of excitement, surprise and with that their partner starts to pay less attention. Over time the lack of attention can be construed as a loss of interest and a sense of drifting apart.
So the task becomes how to be mysterious to keep their attention on you ... to keep their interest in us strong. Well for starters, the 180 to being predictable is not to be ... be more impulsive, spontaneous ... do things you normally wouldn't do ... do something different without giving them a reason for it. Each time you do something different they tend to take notice right away and their reflex is to have thoughts of wondering why. You have managed to peak their interest ... you have captured their attention.
It doesn't have to be something big, but rather changing up the small things. For example, do you tend to wear sweats ... t-shirts while hanging around the house. How about dressing up a bit more occasionally. Put on a little make up and then go about doing the chores. H may start to wonder if you're coming or going. If he asks, just be vague in your response, don't give any details ... "I just felt like wearing something different."
... or maybe just trying a different hair style or different perfumes.
For me, one of the things that worked to peak her interest was to broaden my tastes in food. Trying new and different things. Picking up stuff in the market we hadn't before. Trying new recipes or new seasonings for the same venues at home. Selecting something I never had before on the menu at a restaurant.
How long has the furniture been in there present position? Years? Maybe change it around a bit just to be different.
Slowly, you've been doing a wonderful job of making H feel safe and comfortable around you despite struggling with residual contact with OW, but to help keep you distracted from focusing on that aspect, think about creative ways of doing the little things differently than he would expect you to for no apparent reason and you will create the mystery that gets more of his attention.
Thanks for the concern. Its truly a good feeling to know there's such caring folks out there. 
... as to the letter, its still sitting there on her address book. 
