Journey Beyond Knowledge

[slowly]

How did Slowly do in May? Here are the goals from the 2nd of May.

1. I will continue my voyage of spiritual exploration and growth. This has centered me, and boosted personal strength
It was Buddha's enlightenment anniversary on Tuesday, lots of awareness all round. Been reading up as a shock absorber. This works well enough. NG has started reading some of the same stuff, and we often chat about what we took away from the various sources
2. Enjoy family and friends connection - it takes time and effort every day to make a little connection, but the rewards are immense. Discovering depths to folks I have not touched in a long time. Gifts all around me that I've not appreciated in the past. Continue to support folks on this BB when I can contribute positively This has been such a gift. Downside, we are rushed off our feet. But the joy everyone has brought us is incredible
3. Allow H space to deal with his issues. We now have R (and A, OW) talks about once a week, and H seems to value my input. S L O W L Y getting our R back to what it should be, then improving it Yes, of course I could be validating more, but hey, there is only so much I can do. Been a good girl, as hard as it has been at times
4. Keep on filling H's tank. With hindsight, I've been careless about this (as has he). I will keep in mind his LLs and work on these consciously first, then as a habit. Yup, I'm getting better at this all the time
5. Take good care of my health. Long overdue visit to the dentist, and ugh, need to fix bags under my eyes Must get back to a more settled sleep pattern Hmmm. I have failed on this. Still not sleeping well, still not been to the dentist, my nails are a mess. What am I doing?
6. Keep an eye on our financial stability. Still no progress on selling the flat, sigh Still a problem, but I'm letting NG worry about this - he really is good at solving problems
7. Spring clean and shift unwanted usables to Oxfam Done - yeah.
8. Start putting some structure around charitable works. Contact some agencies and inquire about volunteer work Failed.

[slowly]

Journaling Thursday.

Realised that I am feeling much calmer this week because OW and her H are out of town all week. Of course, come Sunday, the tension in our house will be sky high - both NG and I have been this way before. I hope he truly is getting fed up with playing MC to this couple

NG had work near my office, so we drove in together, and met for lunch, came home and worked here after lunch. Nice dinner at a new place we had heard about. I got to fill his tank, praise his progress at work (he has a promotion coming up) and laughed at his jokes. Sadly no intimacy last night, or this morning for that matter.

We got a call from a friend late last night saying she heard a rumour the house we have our heart set on may have been let to someone else. This would have been devastating, but NG assured me it was not possible, and the way he discussed the things he could do to make sure we do not lose the house, well, I felt good. He knows I have my heart on it I think he is enjoying playing knight in almost-shining armour. It is a whole new language for me though. Sigh

His sad moods are definitely on the rise though. I guess this is to be expected. I hope the damn affair does not start up again.

[KAW]

Realised that I am feeling much calmer this week because OW and her H are out of town all week. Of course, come Sunday, the tension in our house will be sky high - both NG and I have been this way before.

So what can be done differently so you don't go down that path again.

First there's, come Sunday act "as-if" there will be no tension ... at least on your part.

You have now until Sunday to come up with some 180's to make Sunday a tension-free day. How about planning something totally new and adventurous for the two of you. What would that be? Into antique hunting? Start looking for the type of decor of the new dream house. You know best what would be the most fun way to distract yourselves for the day, so how would you do to go about making it better?

'til later,
KAW

[rottzilla]

Good luck with the house. Not only will it be good for you both, but what an ego boost if he does come thorough as you KIASA. - love it - almost shining armor.LOL

[maya]

SLOWLY,

Thanks for your visit to my thread. I have been a bit quieter on the board.

In reading back a page or two to catch up, I noticed your comments about Slowly's fast tracking maybe overshadowing NG's place in the sun. How do you address this kind of shift in your r? What have you chosen to do about this?

Why do you think NG is moving back to his sad stuck place? Any ideas about that? Are you doing anything to challenge his hunting instincts? Mystery at all...or are you hovering and measuring those sad breaths?

I just remember how hard it was for me when my h was a lump of depression hanging out round here. Don't really miss that but sure wish he'd come home.

maya

maya's thread

[TripleJ]

Hey Slowly!

Thanks for the first time post on my thread. No, I haven't come up with any good names lately, but I'll put my mind to it this weekend to see what comes out!

I have to be honest and say I have not followed your thread. But from what I have read so far, it seems your head is high, your shoulders are back, and your ready to take on the world.

Keep working on them goals!

Triple J

[slowly]

Hi KAW, Rottz, Maya and TJ - Thanks for the wonderful feedback. I'm off to sleep now, and hope to wake up with sufficient inspiration on how to break out of this tension cycle. Good night, folks. Slowly

[dazedboy]

So, how is such a lovely, wonderful lady doing? It is refreshing to look in on friends and see such progress and new understanding.

My time in the cave needs to end. I have missed you and others so much but have been going through the inevitable progression of the big D and have not had the mental clarity to correspond. I hope you can forgive the absence.

[slowly]

oh dazed, its so good to have you back

[slowly]

Hello folks, NG and I had a delightful weekend, which I will take time to journal out separately. In the meantime, as I woke up slowly this morning, it dawned on me that lately I have been enjoying a floating feeling that I used to get when taking Tramadol, an opiate based painkiller my doctor prescribes for intense period pains.

The difference is that this time, the floaty feeling seems to be coming from the SLOWING down of my crazymaking, or whatever fevered imaginations churn out. I'm almost waiting to wake up from this sleepy haze only to find myself back in the stomach-churning anxiety. But, somehow I don't think it will happen

I think I have genuinely figured out how to relax, and take each day as it comes. Of course there have been the odd backslide into control freak days, BUT more and more, I am just sooo chilled out, its like being on a floaty cloud.... Lovely

I expect less from myself, from those I love, and life in general. This way, there seems to be so much more to be in awe of, and so much more to savour. Why has it taken me almost 40 years to figure this out?

Better late than never. Slowly.

ps. Isn't Harry Potter he cutest?