Hey BnB - Are you in Iceland? Maybe the Falklands? Balearics? Canary Islands? Oh well, might as well practise mystery here, right?

Well, OW's sister just called, wanting to confirm what NG told her. You folks still following the cross conversations here Anyhow, turns out one of the questions she asked NG was, why he went into A when it was obvious to her that he loved me utterly? And his response, that is a tough questions because I don't know the reason myself. Hmmmm.

I've had a long time to think about this, and to recall snippets of conversations with NG over the past 9 months, and alien notwithstanding, here is my take. NG needed to assert his self worth, which was being hammered by a visibly higher profile his wife was getting.

When we first met, I was the younger student looking up to him for guidance. As we progressed through college and then our first jobs, he always felt the stronger partner. About 10 years ago, I got an amazing break, and ended up being fast tracked. I now recall NG saying about 5 years ago to his BIL that his career will catch up soon, that I was just catching the wave sooner. Well, to date this has not happened. And I was NOT sensitive enough to build him up in other areas.

OW is clearly someone he feels confident in the presence of. As I started listening with my eyes these past few months, I realise that somewhere along the way, NG has developed some seriously defensive tactics with me, which are not at all normal for him. He also seems to prefer to hang out with folks who do not challenge his confidence.

And facing up to this may never happen with NG. I just need to understand this, and work on filling his tank at every opportunity. I love doing it anyway Just wish he could have articulated this need in another way. Sigh.

A Liberal Allowance of Time