I have been off the bb for a few days...just read your saga. Whoa. Here are my quick thoughts:
a. I think you are doing the right thing by continuing to db.
Your h will definitely see you as the more attractive alternative.
b. NG is getting SOMEthing out of the contact with their drama. What does that drama provide to him?
c. Are you creating any mystery for him? Are you finding ways to have him question WHO you are and WHAT he might need to learn about you?
Seems to me, h gets something out of the whole hide and seek intrigue. I agree with Talitsa that H seems to be losing patience...asking if he is ready to change phone numbers may push him back towards that whole drama. What can you do when those calls come in? Is there a way to pull away in those times without making it seem as if you are hurt...but simply indicate that the situation with them is stale, old, boring and oddly predictable? It seems that the more attention you give this the more he will hold on to it. But if you can demonstrate that you are not threatened in any way, but that HIS involvement with them is keeping him from something MORE compelling...well, he may just drop the whole thing and get on board.
I am not sure I am clear enough about these questions. Will give it more thought and add to this later.
You ARE in a great position...we need to find a way to maximize the advantages and have him drop the R with OW and her H on his own.
Hey everyone - Happy Monday! NG and I had a FAB long weekend, at a fairly luxurious resort, terrific ambience and lots of relaxation. We had just the one R/OW talk, and yes, he is still in contact with her, but it dawned on me that I was not seeing any tension in him.
Plus, really, he has been paying ME a LOT of attention. So, I think I need to seriously re-group. Maybe go back to the original principles of 180s and mystery.
Hi Pam - I think of sending bozo DR several times a week, but always end up concluding that it is not something anyone else in his life would have come across (he is part of a gang, not really exposed to reflective people) and so the finger would point to me quite quickly Pity. But, I think this problem is gone.
You know, he told OW that I called him last Tuesday. Good thing NG was sitting next to me and was witness to the whole thing, and could refute OW's allegations right away.
Hi Tal - Just what I was looking for, practical tips
Quote: I'm one of the few on this board who advocates snooping. My motto was "trust, but verify" although I know that for some it becomes near obsession. I found that I needed to check every so often to make sure actions were matching words. It did, so I eventually got to the point where it doesn't occur to me to snoop but every once in awhile.
But I'm not sure keeping in touch with this loose cannon is my preference. I have other more reliable sources
I agree though that the next time NG brings this up, I'll ask him what he is willing to do to change the sitch. It is an annoyance more than anything else. And if it makes it easier for NG to get fed up and really let go, I guess I can put up with it Slowly
Before I forget, a timely note that with dbing, we need to take every opportunity. Here is something HOn posted on KAW's thread, which was just an incredible reminder. It is also about not just what is SAID, but what our Ss DO.
Why? Why do we do this so often... we have these internal dialogues "well, I know she wants sex, but she won't ask me for it, so, why should I give it to her?? She doesn't give it to me when I want it..." blah, blah, blah
FILL UP HER LOVE TANK at any opportunity. It's not like you didn't want to... you WAITED until she was asleep... I mean, please... Can I be ugly, blunt? What would OG have done?
Be the OG ... I know how you feel, believe me... but be the OG... jump her bones, especially when she is SIGNALLING you. You just gave her another sign that you are "drifting apart." In her mind, it was another signal... no longer even understands when I want sex... And then you controlled the situation by having sex later.
Sweetie, she's sleeping nude with you. Make her feel loved at any opportunity. I'm glad you all had fun anyway. But take advantage of any and all opportunities!!
Advice is like snow -- the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper in sinks into the mind. ~ Samuel Taylor Coleridge
Just journalling. Monday was good, dropped NG off at project office, then we had lunch together, worked from home together in the afternoon, had great pizza, devoured him on couch then slipped into a coma till alarm went off this morning. No complaints.
Of course, OW and her family are out of town for a week's holiday, so I expect contact would not really be possible. Today is her birthday. Hmmm.
This week, I'm going to act as if everything is just peachy. NG is still being very secretive about emails, but hey, he is more than willing to spend an increasing part of his days and nights with me. Just giving him space.
And oh yes, NG is glued to Not Just Friends. Wonder what is going on behind his beautiful eyes
Pity. But, I think this problem is gone.
Slowly 
