Hey Pam - you could be right, it could be withdrawal. It could also be actual contact but lying about it that is causing internal conflict - in the past, this has been an issue. Let's see

Monday was an OK day, I did well listening to NG as he regaled his high points at work. We visited some friends in the evening, and grabbed a light supper. Pre-bomb, it would have rated as an above average day. Now, after all the months of intense talk and emotional swings, it felt quite flat.

I feel like I'm in a bit of a lull, we've just come out of one phase and probably about to enter another one, where we dig in a bit deeper into what the h*** just happened to us. I'm really uncomfortable with the notion of getting on as if nothing happened, which seems to be NG's preference.

Hence the wait-and-see till next week. Maybe like me, NG too just needs a break, and hopefully we can tackle some concerns that are not too far below the surface. Some of the things I'd like to suggest, and would appreciate your feedback on:

**we talk about the A or OW anytime the topic pops into our minds - I don't really want to have taboo subjects between us, NG has been pretty open up to now, I'm comfortable keeping this approach. Not the heavy talk-talk but if in passing an idle remark crops up, I don't want either of us to feel funny about it
** how do I get NG to open up about his feelings? Thus far, it has been in such a roundabout way that I get to really see what has been going on inside him, usually by validating something he has done first. Direct questions that pre-bomb were our MO no longer seem to work - is this to be expected?
** secrecy - emails seem to have such a wall around them - and emails were one of the main modes between NG and OW. how do I get it across to him that the continued secrecy is not letting us get over trust issues?

I know, I was not going to dwell on this for a bit, but I guess this is a better place to ponder than in front of NG Slowly

A Liberal Allowance of Time