Each time I backslide, it is because I expect NG to do something. I have to keep reminding myself to focus on ME. The woman in the mirror. Michael Jackson's song keeps haunting me. Here it is, hopefully I can get it out of my head now
I'm Gonna Make A Change, For Once In My Life It's Gonna Feel Real Good, Gonna Make A Difference Gonna Make It Right . . .
As I, Turn Up The Collar On My Favourite Winter Coat This Wind Is Blowin' My Mind I See The Kids In The Street, With Not Enough To Eat Who Am I, To Be Blind? Pretending Not To See Their Needs A Summer's Disregard, A Broken Bottle Top And A One Man's Soul They Follow Each Other On The Wind Ya' Know 'Cause They Got Nowhere To Go That's Why I Want You To Know
I'm Starting With The Man In The Mirror I'm Asking Him To Change His Ways And No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place Take A Look At Yourself, And Then Make A Change
This is a great reminder of what we will achieve out of DBing, if nothing else. Remembering to focus on me would be a great distraction from my H and OW going shopping for furniture with our kids for their moving in next weekend Slowly, I am inspired by your positive attitude and wonderful results.
Vanessa
Current Thread Me: 39, H: 35 Kids: S14/D13/D11 1995-04 Married 2003-08 Bomb 2003-09 Separated
There is a foolish corner even in the brain of the sage. Aristotle
Good morning, Pam. I'm begining to look forward to catching you, and KAW on working days, walking these boards in my time zone. Well, its time to tackle my backslides this week. Alas, all of them were down to my emotional see saw.
On Monday, when NG called to say he could not drop me off at the airport as promised, my initial thought was - he is seeing OW. Ugh, why did I even go there, he was so good about telling me what kept him away Of course, after much rubberband snapping, I got out of the OW funk, and got into am-I-the-last-on-your-list storm. NG and I were on IM, and through tears, I pondered how I was to mend my broken heart, and his sweet reply was that he would do it for me. But dear God, the anguish of the moment.
As things seem to improve as contact between NG and OW seems to have ceased I find myself scratching at him harder. This too is down to rising expectations and I wish I could get a better grip on them. For the last 2 days off and on we have been discussing the END of A and I find myself unable to stop pushing for more. Stupid questions like if he had the time again what would he do differently? Why do I not just keep my lips zipped?
This is basically my struggle. Understanding the concepts catching myself when I'm going wrong but just not always having the emotional strength to do the right thing. Usually to just keep quiet. I need to get beyond knowledge and to do this. I think I need to set up practice sessions. Break down these issues tackle them myself or if I really need a change in NG make it easy for him.
Time to also go back to my basics I seem to have misplaced my goals. Slowly
I too, find myself doing the same thing. As soon as WAH comes closer I find myself wanting more. The less contact with H the less I want from him. It's vicious cycle.
Goals: It's been a while since I've thought of specific goals. Sometimes I think the more I think about my M or lack there of the worse it is.
I've been focusing on dropping the rope and what will be will be.
Hi Vanessa - Thanks for the vote of confidence, every one helps! I'm sorry you are having to deal with the reality of H moving in with OW, but yes, the only thing to do is to focus on being kind to yourself. How is Shrek the sheep after its 6-year coat was shorn? Slowly
Slowly....thanks so much for visiting my post and offering words of encouragement. This "dating" thing is different...treading lightly, being MYSELF, upbeat, friendly, etc.
Quote: I'm Starting With The Man In The Mirror I'm Asking Him To Change His Ways And No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place Take A Look At Yourself, And Then Make A Change
This is a great reminder....just hum the last verse over and over.
When it comes to difficult thoughts about the OW....especially when our H's seem to back off slightly....that's sooooo easy to do. One friend suggested taking that neg. thought....writing it down with all the associated fears, etc. and then burning that piece of paper. The visual helps me realize all my ASSuming is often my worst enemy. Part of the fear and betrayal of being the LBS I guess.
Then we just look in the mirror and remember....WE are responsible for our own happiness and peace.
Seems like you and NG are on a real positive roll, tho. Your able to talk about your R and some fears from time to time....honestly and without defensiveness. That's HUGE!
Keep on DBing....are are doing a fabulous job and keeping me tracked in a forward direction.
Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. ~ Robert Frost
Had enough of beating up myself for the backslides at the weekend. Just going to enjoy this week, and see what the weekend brings. Goals for the week:
**Fill NG's emotional tank, he will feel valued, cherished and walk taller **Build up anticipation for long weekend away. NG booked for us to go away to a villa-based resort, privacy and all the creature comforts of a luxury hotel. Gotta get guide book to the region, and generally get giddy about it **Survive another busy week at work - should be the last one for a few months
Just a little weary of the Nice and Slow saga, so giving myself, and the rest of you, the week off. Lots of time to take this apart in June Have a good Monday, everyone. Slowly
Quote: **Build up anticipation for long weekend away. NG booked for us to go away to a villa-based resort, privacy and all the creature comforts of a luxury hotel. Gotta get guide book to the region, and generally get giddy about it
Slowly
This sounds Awesome!!!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Of course, after much rubberband snapping, I got out of the OW funk, and got into am-I-the-last-on-your-list storm. NG and I were on IM, and through tears, I pondered how I was to mend my broken heart, and his sweet reply was that he would do it for me. But dear God, the anguish of the moment. 
Have a good Monday, everyone. Slowly