This is the roller coaster ride - if you want to keep dbing this is what you have to keep dealing with. I may be totally wrong, but I still say that you've got a good shot.
You know if you ask for a direct answer, it's going to be negative so don't dwell on what he says (you know - don't believe anything you hear and only half of what you see). I really don't believe your H has made up his mind about the R or even moving out. The door has been open for a long while now and he hasn't left. This is so similar to my own sitch that it's making my stomach churn. If you still want to save the M, don't ask him to leave, don't issue any ultimatums - the decision has to ALL his.
I think my H was also sure I would kick him out, but I was not going to do it no matter how hard it was. My H also went through the furniture thing, spending months buying a sofa bed, renovating apt, and doing so and talking about it in front of me. Even now it's very hard to believe that he could do all of that and then not leave.
But I believe the only reason is that I made it very easy for him to stay. I didn't comment on the furniture, renovation progress, the lack of rent money, time spent away from me, time spent with me, etc. I made sure he felt absolutely no pressure to make a move or explain anything. I just did my best to make myself someone with whom anyone would want to spend more time, and went out of my way to show him I did admire and appreciate him.
Don't give up unless you want to. You're still in a good place and can get back on track. His indecision is your best friend, remember that and use it to your advantage. What is your H looking for in an R - what's been missing that you can provide or what's going on you should leave behind??
I find it incredibly interesting that your H's response to your demand that H either move out now or go to counseling, H says he'd like to have a drink and watch the late show!? That says to me that he doesn't have a clue as to what he really wants, but he certainly still likes to be around you.
Which brings me to my response to your visit on my thread and what may be a useful exercise. Do you think we might develop a code book for these guys? At the very least I've learned that anything other than an outright agreement means a no.
Maybe I'll think about it We'll see Etc = NO, and don't try and make me.
I think we should... = I really, really want this and I want you to just agree.
Vacuuming = I'm doing something to help and I want credit for it, even though I'm leaving the vacuum out in the middle of the floor.
There are others but I can't think of them right now. I'm sure there are some you can add. For your H,
Watching the late show = I don't know WTF I'm doing and I don't want to think about it right now, but please don't give up on me yet.
