Between having internet problems and my sitch going downhill I really haven't felt like posting much.
After having a tension-free several weeks, they returned big time last weekend. I have finally figured out what triggers the tensions.....when H is up front with me we get along well, but when he is hiding or plotting something, he becomes very cold and nasty.
Last weekend we were headed out of town at 7am and were running late. H and I were in the car and he asked if we could stop at a garage sale and look at a bedroom set. H already knew the address so he must have looked in the paper. H didn't say for sure what he wanted the set for and it was not one that I even wanted, but H seemed determined to get it, so we did. He didn't even make it clear to me where he wanted to put the bedroom set.
Then, last night H asked if we could get the bedroom set moved into the house. He then went up to our bedroom and started taking his stuff off the bookshelves so he could put the tall dresser there. That led to a R talk.
H told me he had got the furniture so he could take the dressers from his grandma that I was using and take them out to his place. What a slap in the face since those dressers were given to ME.
I told him I wouldn't help him if it meant he was now moving out for good. H told me that he wasn't leaving immediately but was just going to move a little bit out at a time. (I did notice that he had already moved some stuff out of his closet).
Basically I told him "no". I have had enough. If he is leaving, then LEAVE, now. Get it done and over with, but I was not going to watch him move out a little bit at a time.
However, it was crappy timing since I am in the middle of a heavy workload at school, our daughters are now off to college so I don't have their support, and S15 is struggling in school, and this wasn't going to help matters.
I then asked what was up during the trip when we took D18 to college. H was touching me during the day, and snuggling and feeling me at night. I told H that him moving back home after only being gone for 2 days, then asking to stay longer, not moving out, and then touching me during the trip, on top of the tension being gone, well, that had given me some hope. H said he was sorry for leading me on, but it meant nothing to him.
I did tell him that I felt it was more of the control monster coming out and I was tired of being controlled. For a change I told H what I wanted.....I either wanted him to move out NOW, or stay and try marriage counseling until Christmas. (I also said that I would like to have sex again before I forget what it is like). After several minutes of silence H said that what he wanted was to go downstairs, get a drink and watch a late show....so we did.
I still have no idea what is going on, but I am at point that I NEED to know. Those 2 days he was gone in Aug. were pure hell and at that time I was ready for it be done with. But when H came back home, and things seemed to be going well, I guess I took hope in that. To have it crushed again is just pure torture.
