I know it's very difficult, but try not to get yourself too upset about the bank account. The first thing I did when I thought H was leaving was go to the bank and open up a separate checking account in my name alone, and put my next paycheck in it. It was a security thing for me even though I trust my H completely and he specifically said he was keeping all of our finances as they are. So your H opened an 'secret' account. Was it really a secret or do you think he was probably afraid to bring it up? It has a few hundred $'s in it - sounds like just a little safety net/access to ready cash. My H cashed in a $3K personal investment account a couple of months after the bomb and I saw the check. H didn't tell me that he did it for almost a month, while I totally stressed and came up with all kinds of scenarios in my head. So I'm wondering if it was really deceitful, or just a little hedge against the crisis.
The discussion with son is more difficult to handle, but maybe it was one of those MLC insensitive, don't know how to handle it type of things. S14 must know you're having problems - maybe H truly thought he was doing the right thing by telling S before it happened. Doesn't make him right, but he may have thought he should tell him face to face before he moved out. You know it may be a 'guy' thing.
You may be absolutely right to feel angry, but still take the time to think about how you want to handle it. Your H could just be clueless. This is an opportunity to show him that you can deal without getting crazy. A calm discussion about talking with S together in the future is certainly in order.
Try as hard as you can to keep the good will between you growing.
