Just enjoy your time together for now. No pressure. No R talk. Let your H make up his own mind.
I find it is the best way to let my W to find out the truth by making her own decision. Sometimes I have to push her to make decision. In your H case, he probably is not depressed. So he can make a rational decision.
Just be his friend right now and continue your DBing. I'll keep you in my prayer.
Maybe this little story about address labels will cheer you up and make you laugh - you never know the MLC mind.
A couple of weeks after H told me he was moving out, I started to clear out some stuff, in a mood to sweep things clean and work off frustration. Totally cleared out the refrigerator - I mean completely empty. Then I tackled the junk drawer, tossing those return address labels you get free in the mail - kept only those with my name (maiden name at that!). A few days later H wants to mail something (1st time in years), looks for return address labels (never used them before), and throws a fit because he can't find any with his name. He accuses me of throwing out all the ones with his name (which I did), and all I can think is 'what the he## do you need return address labels for if you're not going to be living here? What a putz!'
This incident gave me one of the few laughs I had at the time. In4Ride
It seems so easy to be H's friend now that most of the tension is gone. H just now went back out to the garage to work on a vehicle after being in the house talking with me for the past half hour. We were just talking normal stuff, but it was soooooo nice.
Yep, your address labels story did make me smile. You are right about these MLCer's not knowing what they want.
I thought that I asked H to leave, but I have just found out that when H took S14 to Bible camp a week and a half ago, that he told son that H and I may be living in seperate houses when he got back. What a load to drop of son's shoulders and let him worry for a week before he got home.
So, apparantly H had been planning on leaving for awhile and just hadn't bothered to tell me. But, for H being so determined to leave, I find it interesting that he was only gone for one night (last Thurs.) before he asked to come back until at least this coming Fri. night.
I think H was flirting with me earlier. He was under one of the vehicles working and I bent down to ask him a question. H saw me there, rolled out from underneath, smiled with both his eyes and lips, and said "yeeees" in a sexy tone. It seems like years since I have heard that tone directed towards me.
Enjoy your easy time together as much as you can. Give your H a best impression. If he decides to live S, he will always look back and misses what he had with you. But he may change his mind and stays. My W did to me many times. I am not sure whether it is good for me. But it was good for the kids. They did not experience life without mom (except for 1 day).
It was good that H was flirting with you. I may have to think something to break the ice between me and my W. I may need to act like before the bomb was dropped?
Don't worry about H leaving until he's walking out the door. Just act as if you're happy with the time together. My H evicted our tenant, spent months fixing up his apt, etc. so he could move out, and he never left. It was very difficult to spend so long a time dreading it but I just kept acting as if I understood and I was OK. I kept reminding myself that each day was a another chance to DB. Eventually H told me he was going to spend the week at apt because it was closer to a job (yea right) and he came home for dinner the second night and came home for good the third night.
We have never discussed why he didn't move out. I never mentioned that it was odd that he didn't. I never asked when he was leaving or what he was doing or thinking. I avoided anything that required him to make a decision or provide a specific answer. I think this allowed him the time to relax and not feel pressured to jump one way or the other.
So don't stress too much about what H says - well, don't show the stress. I know it feels like a stab to the heart. Already you can see how much more comfortable he is - flirting, wow! The more certain he is that he won't be called upon to provide answers or R talk, the more he will seek out your company.
Quote: So don't stress too much about what H says - well, don't show the stress.
Much easier said than done!
Since H came back Fri. night I have not brought up him moving out or any form of R talks. As a matter of fact I am always kind of nervous when it is just H and I because I do not want to talk about R. I would much prefer to just go on as we are now.
Things just don't add up to H deep-down, honestly wanting out of this M. We met with our insurance agent this morning and H is having him look into more life-insurance on himself. H was telling the agent that if something happened to him that he wanted there to be enough insurance $ to replace his salary for the forseeable future. I don't think there are many H that are planning on a D that also are going to make sure their W is taken care of in case they die.
H was home for lunch again today and I actually felt like we were a team when going over the kids' schedules and planning stuff. H also was sharing highlights of his farm magazines with me as I was finishing up lunch and joking around about some of the junk mail he received. Very nice!
Even though my M basically stinks, I am one of the lucky ones whose H is very concerned and involved with the kids (well, I should say 3 of the 4 kids since D23 has never had anything to do with him). His relationship with the kids was on the rocks for a few years but he has more than gone out of his way to mend those relationships this past year. No matter what happens between H and I, I do know that he will chose to be very involved with the kids and for that I am thankful.
It is not easy to do what In4Ride said. I wish I could do it too.
Keep doing DBing as you do now. Enjoy the good time one day at a time. It is wonderful that your H is trying to be closer to your kids. That will also make it harder for him to leave. No H who is planning to D his W wants to take life insurance for his W. Maybe he is just confused and wants to be alone and sort out his feelings.
I have to postpone my business trip next week. Next Tue my S's school has a important information night. I'll better attend myself.
Actually, I have known for a long time that H wants to make my life as comfortable as possible when he is gone. Not only was it the life insurance this morning, but tonight H had someone out to give us an estimate on having the driveway redone. I was thinking just a regular cement driveway. But H had the guy come into the house and show the dozens of different options, and H even made a copy of the patterned driveway that I liked.
I think that making our home as comfortable as possible somehow helps to ease the guilt H has over leaving. Geez, if nothing else, I guess that I am going to have an awesome house no matter what the outcome.
There was just one bad moment tonight. H is putting a lot of $ and time into fixing up our 4x4 and made a comment tonight that he is putting extra into it so that I would have a vehicle to drive if the weather gets bad this winter. So far H seems to want to make sure that I am taken care of. I also noticed that the timeline H gave me last night for fixing it up would have had it done by Sat. But since he didn't work on it much last night and not at all tonight, that timeline has been extended to some time next week. H only asked to stay here until Fri. night so it will be interesting to see what happens.
One other interesting thing is that I noticed that today H started putting his dirty clothes down the laundry chute. I guess he feels comfortable enough to go back to the status quo?
I had a nice evening with H but am scared to death whenever we are alone....I am so scared of any R talks. Maybe that is how the WAWs normally feel around the LBS??
I am not sure whether it is a guilt feeling. My W did not fix anything when she planned to leave. What your H is doing seems so illogical if he really plans to leave.
May be other LBS here can confirm whether their H did fixing before leaving. I would think that your H is feeling comfortable and not planning to leave any time soon like In4Ride's H. Just act as if and don't ask about his plan for the moment. Continue your relaxing time together.
Geez, if nothing else, I guess that I am going to have an awesome house no matter what the outcome. 