I am not sure that H moving out will make him "miss" us. H has lived on his own twice for a year at a time when the Marines shipped him overseas, and then many times for months at a time when he was sent to school or training.
This has been the strangest weekend. H, S14 and I wento the city shopping on Sat. for a queen sized bed for S14. We had a wonderful day with joking and laughter and pleasant conversation. By the time we got the bed home and set up it was getting kind of late.
I asked H if he had electricity yet at his new place and he said "yes, why?" I told him if he didn't have the electricity turned on he stay in one the of extra beds here. H asked me where I would prefer him to stay....and of course I said "here".
We had loaded son's bed into the pickup. It was supposed to rain so I offered to move my car so the pickup could be put into the garage. H said he thought he would just take the bed to the trailer. H then putzed around for a little bit and I could tell he wanted to talk. I did not ask what was on his mind, but a little later H asked if I would like to see the trailer he had rented, and I said I would.
How weird is it to help a H set up a bed in a trailer he is moving into. I helped H reassemble the bed and even put the sheets on. H then showed me around the place, even opening all the closets and drawers. It seemed very important to H that I like the place, and the location. In different ways I told H that he was lucky to find such a gem of a place.
We then went back home and H was loaded some stuff onto my computer and we watched a little tv. It was such a nice day and totally free of the tension that has been there for the past couple of years.
We spent yesterday in the city with both S14 and D18. We went to a social for D18 and spent the rest of the day shopping for the kids for school. It was a great day together. H was kind, pleasant, thoughtful and just nice to be around. It is almost like once the decision was made to move out that H is no longer looking for ways to criticize me. Or maybe it is that H is taking what I say and do at face value and not trying to find harmful, hurtful underlying meaning in my words and actions. Or, maybe he is just more at peace with himself since making a decision and he is not carrying his frustrations out on me. Whatever happened, it has made communication with H a lot more pleasant.
At one point while we were shopping H even put his fingers in the middle of my back to indicate I was to go first. I about died from the contact....to me that is a very intimate gesture, and since H hasn't touched me in months it was wonderful.
We got home kind of late and H started working on D18's computer. Around 11 I told H he could stay here again if he wanted. H then said that we needed to talk about that. We are having a birthday party for S14 on Friday and H asked if it would be OK if he just stayed here until that was over. I agreed to that.
H is not taking being here for granted. He has kept his dirty clothes in his suitcase and would take them elsewhere to wash them. However, I did tell him I was doing laundry today if he needed anything washed so he did dig out his dirty clothes. Since H did not expect me to do them, I do not feel like a maid since I am.
I am not sure what today will bring or even if H will be here for lunch and supper.....but it is something I am not going to worry about. H is on his own journey now and I am just watching from the sidelines.
