Thanks guys!! It is very comforting to know that others know and care.
This has been an unsettling evening. I had not heard from H since I told him goodbye Wed. night as he was walking out of our bedroom.
About the time I normally start to fix supper H called and wanted to know how things were going. I told H I was just starting supper for S14 and myself...that the girls were working. H already knew the girls were working and was shocked when I told him S14 was home. H said he didn't think S14 would be back from camp until Sat. night.
So.....H called when he thought no one else would be home...hmmmm.
Anyhow, we ended up talking for about 20 minutes and it was one of the nicest, most relaxed talks we have had in FOREVER! (I just hated the subject matter!!) H said he drove an hour to his mom's last night, told her he was leaving me, not sure about a separation or D, and that I was 100% against this whole thing. His mom apparantly told him that there was no need to rush into anything. I told H that I agreed and thought we should try a separation for awhile.
I told H I was in the process of fixing supper and that he could join us if he wanted. He said he would.
But, this is what I mean about knowing H still cares.....I have several plants at H's office and had not been in to water them this week (I was planning on having one of the kids bring them home this weekend but hadn't told H that). Anyhow, H brought up the fact that they hadn't been watered and said he would do it if I would tell him how. H has NEVER watered a plant in his life....and I thougt it was very touching that he would offer to take care of mine.
H then said that he had a check for my lawyers retainer fee and some extra for me and the kids and he would deposit that tonight. H wanted to know what to do about the checking account and kind of hinted that we leave things the way they are now and just work it out. (We have one account that my paycheck goes into and H just gives me money when I ask). I told him that until things were permanent (as in D) that that would be OK.
H then said that he didn't have a bed or a place to stay tonight and asked if he could stay in the basement tonight. I told him that was fine. H then went on to say that he had found a place today, that he had looked at a couple and explained in detail where it was at, the landlords, what the place was like...... To be honest, I didn't want to know, but it seemed like it was important for H to tell me.
H came for supper, had to go back to the office for awhile and then will spend the night here. It is just so weird.
Then, H asked if we could take S14 shopping tomorrow for a queen sized bed since he has outgrown his twin. So, that will be a few hours spent with H tomorrow. We also have a send off for D18 on Sunday from the Notre Dame alumni....so that will be more time together.
Honestly, I don't know if I am up to all this togetherness....I think it will be very hard to keep my composure around H.
I had told him the other night that if we do D, then I wanted to see him as little as possible. I guess those same feeling don't hold true in a separation. Maybe, to me, if it comes to a D, then I know in my heart that will be then end of the line. But, with just a separation, there is still hope.
So Kelli....H is still planted on that darn fence, but at least now both feet are on one side (not the side I would like!) but he hasn't quite jumped off.
On the phone H asked if I had told any of the kids and I told him "no". Since D18 knows we HAVE to tell them soon.
What is so frustrating is that Wed. night after H asked for the D and again on the phone and at supper tonight, H and I have had the easiest, most relaxed conversations.....it is almost like we have bared our souls and the suspicion and anger is gone. If we could keep that up I really do think there could be hope.
Raindeer, In4Ride.....I do think a separation will be good for us, or at least for me. 2 1/2 of walking around eggshells is gone, and H is finally making a some form of decision. We will just see where we go from here.
