Maybe once BIL leaves my level of frustration will go down. I am just about over the top.
Unless something is said otherwise, supper is always planned for 6:30 (I prefer 5:30 but it is another control issue that I let H win). H and BIL were not home at 6:30 and S14 had to eat since he had a meeting. So I called both H's cell and office phone to let them know we were eating, but no answer. So son and I ate, cleaned up, and left. As we were pulling out of the driveway H and BIL came driving up, but we left anyhow. I was fuming. When I get a quiet monent with H I am going to have to let him know that it is very hurtful to me to fix the meals that I am expected to fix and him not even to have the courtesy to let me know he will not be home to eat. I don't have a problem with H not being home for meals; I do have a problem when I go through the time and effort to make good meals and then he doesn't show up.
When son and I got home, H and BIL had reheated the food and put the dirty dishes in the sink. So I did the dishes and then went to the basement for awhile to cool off. Later, I started to clean the bunny cage and H and BIL did grab the vacuum and vacuumed the sunroom and office while I was cleaning the cage. H also moved all the furniture and put it back which was nice.
I almost felt like they were trying to make up for being jerks about supper by helping me out. One of the problems that I think I have is that one of H's LL is act of service, along with words of affirmation, but those are not mine. Which means that I get little pleasure out of H "doing" things for me. I just see things he does as thing that SHOULD be done in a normal marriage. It would have meant much more to me for H just to say "sorry we were late". Somehow I am also going to have to convey that message to H. I am just so tired of not being able to talk to H without him using a disgusted tone or criticizing me. I am so gun-shy of the way H talks to me that I find myself not wanting to talk to him at all.
