I'm thinking about you saying there's a pattern in your R. This is something that sounds like it needs some focused attention, and something different, which you already know. What could you be doing that would be very different from what you're doing now? Can't remember, is your H P/A? It could be that it's his way of controlling, consciously or not. He makes you ask, and then he gives little tidbits of information.
What if you just didn't worry about what his plans are and just made your own, and of course keeping him informed of YOUR plans in a very friendly manner. My H seemed compelled to start telling me his plans when I stopped acting concerned about it and went my own way. I stopped asking anything about his activities except to ask how it was afterwards (didn't want him to think I didn't care at all). If something conflicted, well I guess he should have told me sooner . I didn't take ownership of knowing what was going on, because clearly I was clueless.
My H is a non-talker also. You probably know this, but I find the less I talk (very difficult for me), the more he does. I also started asking more conversational questions rather than just talking - things that required a response from him. But NEVER any questions/conversaton related to R, his feelings, his plans, etc. Just misc. topics - current events, biking, his work, the dogs, whatever. It's almost the type of conversation you have when you start dating someone, when you're trying to get to know the person.
I often think my H is deaf also. I think these guys live in their heads so much they tune everything out. It's also possible your H is like mine in that he needs a looonnnggg time to process. My H almost always tells me things eventually, but eventually can be a long time coming with him. I've come to think that sometimes he has been afraid to tell me things, trying to avoid a reaction he doesn't want to deal with. One of MY biggest changes is to not react immediately to things until I take the time to process it.
Obviously, not talking so much to H has caused me to become much more verbose in other forums - sorry my posts are so long.
. I didn't take ownership of knowing what was going on, because clearly I was clueless.