Hi Wishing,

I admit I have this little fantasy in the back of my mind that H is planning on using the vacation situation as an excuse to just casually move back into the same bed, or bedroom at least. I've been imagining just as you are, that H wants to move back into our room, but is unable to ask.

But after the IL's visit when this did not happen, I'm trying to prepare myself so that I'm not blindsided again when my expectations turn out to be false. I guess it's a balancing act between being hopeful/positive and being prepared to not show my dismay. I thought H would not embarass me this way when IL's were here, but I guess he didn't think they would really notice. I have no idea if they did or what they know or don't know.

I'm afraid all of this thinking and anticipating is a major backslide to my old ways, of becoming angry and resentful when I'm made to feel unwanted. Even before the bomb, I had realized that H never apologizes. I'm not sure I have ever heard the words, 'I'm sorry', pass his lips. And this is sort of strange, because he seems pretty easy going on the surface, or at least he once was.

To be more positive - last Sat - I wouldn't swear to it - but I think H might have, just might have, been checking me out across the table in the restaurant . I think I caught him looking at my bust a couple of times. I hope it wasn't because I had a stain on my shirt or something!

We will be celebrating both H's and BIL's birthdays while we're in NH. Just imagine - the two MLC boys having a birthday party together. Too bad SIL and I can't make that the theme of the party. What kind of decorations would be appropriate? Actually, I'm amazed she can make herself plan this party, he's been such a stinker for about 4 yrs, hardly talks to her at all. They communicate through email!

For my part, I have made up a fancy gift certificate for H's latest toy - a $5,000 custom-made bicycle. (Yes, I do believe it's the same one Lance Armstrong used in the Tour de France - for that price it had better be.) He's going to get it any way, so I might as well make it look as if I'm giving it to him out of the goodness of my heart. I mean, how bad can I look if I'm willing to go along with that indulgence. (And how can he ever criticize any of my spending after this - there is a method to my madness )

So, trying to be optomistic, I'm planning on wearing a sexy nightgown on vacation just in case. Circumstances have worked against me on this vacation. H and I will be in separate vehicles because of his week at school beforehand, and all of our time will be spent at family homes. Not very conducive to seductions!

But, only a month ago I didn't think H and I would even be going on a vacation together. How quickly we forget to appreciate the baby steps and only wish for more.

Wishing, I'm also out of ideas for doing anything more proactive in the bedroom area. I'm actually afraid to make any kind of move because I've been rejected so many times over the years. So my position is that I would have to be absolutely certain any advances would be welcome.
This may make for a very loooonnnngggg wait.

In4Ride