I must admit I'm feeling pretty good about things. In addition to the ring, we also had a nice weekend spending most of it together. Weather was beautiful and we spent most Sunday on motorcyle and even went to the movies on a 'school' night.
I'm hoping that pretty soon my problem will be whether to give him back 'his' side of the bed.
It was great that your H wear his wedding ring again. It definetely symbolize that he wants the M to heal.
Until now my W still has not put back her ring. I also did not wear it since Mar this year. I was hoping that my W put it on again. Then I put mine on. Or should I put on mine first?
I do feel very positive lately. I'm trying to not be too delusional but I can't believe that H would plan a vacation with me and talk about selling apt if he were still planning on leaving.
Yes, I took over 'his' side of the bed, and I'm not sure I want to give it up. The dogs, Bud and Sparky, generally take up the rest of it and they've become accustomed to having it. He may just have to fight them over the space if he wants to come back.
I still have a natural tendency to control, and constantly have to remind myself to let things just be, but I like it. I think I could become very used to being 'not responsible'.
I am very happy for you with your progress. Make me envy sometimes.
I have accepted that my W has changed and is not the one I married 22 yrs ago. I don't want to settle to the R that we have now. But I am not sure whether she wants to work on our M to improve it. There will be time that I may have to decide to move on with my life or not.
No complaints here - I'm feeling very thankful lately. I think things are going very well with H. However, it's obvious he's still in replay - can't decide between a sports car, new bicycle, or new motorcycle. Wow, how difficult is that! Because I now go along with it, we even laugh about the fact that he can't decide which toys to get, and how will he find the time to play with them?
The fact that I provide no resistance to any of these ideas, seems to make H more reasonable and thoughtful about what he wants. I think if I were negative, he would make the decision hastily and buy something just to prove he can.
I'm still laughing because I spent one whole evening making this fancy gift certificate on the computer for a sports car for his birthday in a few weeks. Then this past weekend he decided it made more sense to buy a new bicycle instead and keep his truck. So I had to change the gift certificate graphics and text to show a bicycle instead of sports car.
It is like having a child that changes his mind every other day. But I'm just happy we're having fun with it instead of arguing about it (and that he decided on bicycle which costs much less!).
When you are able to laugh about things a MLCer is doing, then you can enjoy life even living with an MLC.
My W is enjoying her new car. Very nice and sporty. I am glad that she is happy with her new toy. I am just happy driving my 5 years old car. My car was a company car. It was due for replacement last Dec. But I am still happy with it. So I just purchased it and cash in my car allowance. Maybe I should also pretend to suffer MLC and play with new toy...LOL.
Enjoy your good time with your H. Life is short. Just be happy.
I was told by my MC that each of us deserve to realize some of our dreams in marriage within reason. As we become more supportive and help our spouses realize their dreams, they have a tendency to want less. If we pull against them, the spouse may eventually want to get away from their dream blocker.
You have done a great job figuring this out while I had to have a MC tell me that the convertable car my W wants is less expensive than a D. (LOL) Now could I get my W to want a bycycle? It does not have a roof either. Oh well!
I had to look at myself after the bomb and realize how negatively I generally reacted to most of H's suggestions. It was some kind of knee jerk reaction that stems from fear of something, who knows what. I imagine it was a real downer for him, given that most of the time he was probably just thinking out loud.
I feel the same way as your MC advises about the money/toys now. If it costs $900 for an unused sofa bed, or thousands for a 'Lance Armstrong' bicycle, or sports car, - my marriage is worth the cost. I know this is easier for me to say because we do not have children who need college funds, etc. But I came from a family that didn't spend money on luxuries, even though we could, so I had to lighten up a little. H is not an outrageous spender in general, so I don't have much to complain about.
It's sad how this type of crisis seems to destroy your feeling of security. The other night H was quiet and seemed preoccupied and immediately I started to worry. I really had to force myself not to react and constantly remind myself not to make assumptions. He was in a pretty good mood, but just quiet. I kept telling myself that he was tired or thinking about work, but all I could think about was maybe he's changed his mind and still wants to leave. It seems to have been nothing, probably work-related, but it just shows how fragile we (LBS's) are.
Last night was better - we did some serious laughing as we were watching 'American Chopper'.
