Thanks for stopping by - I'm having a so-so day. It's one of those things you learn just comes with the territory. Some days are good, some days are not so good. You have to roll with it and recognize that it's temporary. This was a big lesson for me - I've always been a real all or nothing type of thinker.
I have come to recognize that Mondays are a low point for me - probably something to do with unmet expectations (and sleeping alone) for the previous weekend. It's not logical because often there have been many positives during the weekend, including this past one.
1. H decided not to ride bicycle Sat morn so we went to drop his truck off for repair and went get bagels. Nice time.
2. It seems to have become important to H that I know when he has done something around the house - not the usual replay kind of thinking. He's starting to 'do his share' a little more. We met at a restaurant for a late lunch after his bicycle ride Sun, and when I said I had done a little grocery shopping, a short time later he was letting me know that he had cleaned up the kitchen, emptied and filled the dishwasher. (The dishwasher is really his only designated household task and I stopped picking up the slack on it many months ago.) Sat morn, while I was vacuuming, he went out and cut down a small tree damaged by Hurricane Isabel and then came in to tell me like he was afraid I wouldn't notice.
3. H mentioned that he would like to volunteer for something - definitely not a replay kind of thing and something he has not done before. I suggested 'Meals on Wheels' and he seemed to like that idea. What a switch!!
4. I slipped again and referred to something that assumed we have a future - going in with his Dad on buying a small boat after they move to MD. I'm afraid this type of talk is making him nervous, but he reacted fairly positively (but then he's a good pretender).
5. H started to get real irritated Sat night when he wanted to make a sandwich and thought we didn't have bread (or that the bread was too old - he's real fussy about this issue). I could actually see that he pulled himself back and forced himself to not make a big deal out of it, as if he didn't want me to think he was blaming me. (And it turns out the bread was fine and I had more rolls in the freezer, whew!) I know during the anger phase that he used to automatically blame me for any household shortages, even though I work longer hrs than he does and he was using his free time to pursue only his personal interests.
6. The other night (Thurs?) when I got home, H was exercising in the basement and when I suggested pizza for dinner, he said why don't we have pasta that we have in fridge. Then he said HE would make it when he finished working out. So I took him at his word and just relaxed. He made dinner and also served us ice cream for desert. A very pleasant switch from how it's been for many months now.
7. Regarding our invitation to Ocean City, NJ this weekend, H came home the other night and said he had to work the next two Sats, and then he showed me a copy of his work schedule that he just got, as if he was trying to tell me he wasn't just making an excuse.
So all in all a pretty good weekend and no reason to be low this morning. I already feel better after reviewing the positives. It's easier to see that he seems to be moving away from many of the replay antics.
I think I really must go to Ocean City by myself this weekend although I'm not looking forward to the drive either. I've been hanging around too much lately and probably becoming boring and non-mysterious. I also need some vacation time and although I'm not thrilled about going without H, I really believe it's the db thing to do. What do y'all think?
