Well the weekend was really quite pleasant. Went to the Eastern Shore Sat to visit BIL/SIL where MIL/FIL were spending the weekend. Even though we were all pretending no one knows about any problems, it was a very nice time. They live on a lovely spot on the Wye River and the weather was great. Four of their five children (all in their 20's) were there (H's nieces and nephew) so that was also enjoyable. I'm sure they are all wondering about H and me, but they are all too polite and good-natured to show it in any way. I know they are all hoping everything works out for us. They were all there when we started dating, and were at our wedding, and the 3 girls were in our wedding. It was a very exciting time for them when their Uncle R was finally getting married.
Strangely enough, while we were there, H seemed to want to stay close to me. Even when his brother and father were over at the grill (a major male bonding thing in H's family), H stayed on the porch with 'ladies'. When they all went for a boat ride, SIL and I went shopping to dish and buy Father's Day gifts. All and all, a much nicer time than I was expecting.
I do feel badly for SIL though. She's been putting up with MLC crap from H's brother for at least 4 yrs, and hiding it from everyone also. I was shocked when I found out after our crisis began, and know H would be also if he knew. Her H's excuse for what started it is her weight!! - Believe me, my SIL is hardly overweight, and is a very attractive mid-50's women who has had 5 children, all of whom she brought up to be amazingly warm and unspoiled adults despite having every advantage in life. His behavior is so much worse than I'm dealing with - really rude, disrespectful, and cruel (except when others are around). It's so sad because they used to be so happy - the proverbial perfect couple. She has now basically given up after trying to change all the things he said were wrong, and just goes her own way. I feel badly that their kids, just starting their adult lives, with two of them newlyweds, are now confronted with their parents' and H's marital difficulties without really understanding what's happening. SIL and I can't explain it to them because we don't understand it either.
One weird thing - when IL's were talking about being without a home between selling their Fl condo and waiting for a cottage at their new retirement place in MD, H said his apt would be available!? Of course they all laughed when I answered MIL's question of how many rooms it had. As if she could ever live in an efficiency apt! She's still unwilling to give up any space moving into a luxury assisted living type facility. At 85 yrs old, she still wants full LR/DR, Sunroom, Den, 2 BRs, garage, at least 2 full baths, etc. Well - to each his own. Seems a little excessive given that they have some financial worries.
When this discussion came up, I became a little nervous. I'm afraid we may be expected to offer them a place to live for an indefinite number of months later this year. We have a 4-BR house and no children, so it would be the logical and decent thing to do. I hope it doesn't come to that and I'm not going to worry about it before I even know it's necessary. I'm just glad H didn't offer it right then and there.
Despite my description's of H's past behavior around his parents, he was very noticeably more relaxed around them this visit - not so focused on everything being perfect for them. It was so much more relaxing than other times. Is this a positive consequence of a MLC or is he just growing up?
So, I'm feeling pretty good after a relaxing weekend. H even cut his bike ride short yesterday to come home and eat lunch with me. Well I don't know if it was for me, exactly, but he called from ride and said he was not going the whole way and did I want to meet him for lunch. I spent the rest of the day working in the yard while he fooled around on computer and went for motorcycle ride.
Sorry to ramble on so long about what was basically a 'normal' weekend, but maybe it was just that normalcy that made it good.
