Hi BF - just responded on your thread. You've described it very well, up, down, sideways, and all around, usually all in one day. It's really just storming in inside my head, I haven't completely lost my balance.
Wishing, This issue was a real shocker for me. I guess I thought I was so smart - thought for sure he would move back into our room while IL's were here, that he would never allow them to be confronted with this. I was all wrong. He wasn't even going to move out of the room he's in, the guest room they always stay in. At the last minute he decided to give them that room, but still stayed in one of the other bedrooms. When he first told me he was going to give his parents the smaller extra room because he didn't want to move all of his stuff, I asked was he going to stay in that room while they were here, and he replied 'yes' very clearly as if wanted no misunderstanding.
So for the last two days we've all been pretending that everything is fine. Today, ILs leave our house to go to BIL's on MD Eastern Shore and we'll be going there tomorrow for get-together. Can't wait !
So, I'm a little disgusted with the whole thing right now. Last night my parents called to wish me a Happy Anniversary because they missed us while we were out the night before. H didn't even bother to get on the phone even though I'm pretty sure he knew it was them. This has always been a source of resentment for me also. H seems to think the sun and moon should revolve around his family but barely hides the fact he wants to leave as soon as possible when we visit my parents (and get to his parents at the next stop). We haven't visited my parents in about two years but we see his several times a year. Nice huh? Especially when my parents have already deeded their 100-acre property over to us (shared with my two brothers). Sometimes I can't believe what a schmuck my H is. Even though my IL's are very pleasant, I can't recall the last time they went out of their way or did anything for anyone, not even for their own son who had two severely mentally and physically handicapped children. I don't think they ever visited them at their house in the 14yrs I've been married - that BIL/SIL always had to transport those children with them up to the "Lake" to see H's parents. Even as dysfunctional as my family can be, I know if one of us were in that situation, my parents would have gone out of their way to make our lives easier rather than expect everyone to come to them. H's parents seem to not think much beyond their own convenience, in a nice way of course.
Consequently, this is how H also lives his life, which is fine for a single guy. But then again, maybe that's why he wants to be single again, he just can't deal with having to consider another person.
I think H and his four siblings have always continued to put their parents ahead of even their own spouses. When H is with his parents, he's like a different person, and his attitude to me when they visit makes me feel as if my only purpose in being there is to make everything as perfect as possible for them. Gd forbid if something goes wrong or breaks while they're with us and NEVER does anyone correct or contradict ILs no matter what stupid or incorrect thing they might say. There's something buried deep there, because on the surface they seem so pleasant, but it's not normal to not EVER have any kind of disagreement or conflict among seven family members.
Well, I don't know why I'm rambling on about H's family. I would need years of training in psychiatry to even start to decipher them. Just having one big rant because I always feel minimized by H when we're with them, and now it's a real rejection rather than only in my head.
Wishing, you asked a simple question and I've written a long essay!
!