I think you are very right. One of the things I've finally learned is that my H processes things for a looooong time, and he does it differently than I do. I believe that's why he's still in the other bedroom, or at least that's what I tell myself.
On my good days, I ignore that fear that it may all be for nothing. After all, another thing I've learned is how wrong many of my assumptions can be.
Haven't observed anything unusual yet with ILs and H, except of course the usual weirdness of H acting as if everything is perfect when they're around.
