Today is my 14th Anniversary. I was totally blown away to get a 'Happy Anniversary' and a kiss from H this morning! I know enough not to expect flowers and I'm grateful and curious that he remembered and acknowledged the day. I guess my gift will be the ILs arriving today.
So I feel OK right now, still feeling cautiously optomistic but trying to keep my expectatons low. Our interaction is good lately but the signals from H are so contradictory - he acts as if he wants to be around me but adamant about staying in other bedroom. He never talks about situation but observes every courtesy and is a very pleasant companion. He hasn't left but doesn't indicate he has changed his plan to move out when apt becomes empty again.
As expected, my friends are really starting to ask how long I'm going to put up with this situation. They think more than 6 months is long enough. I usually just say that I'll keep doing it until I can't do it anymore.
Right now I'm experiencing a little patience deficit but it's not too serious. I'm planning on really observing the interaction between H and his parents with a 'beginner's mind' over the next few days to see if I can learn anything new.
I'm sorry to say that in the back of my mind I have this sense of impending doom. That after all of this, his feelings have not changed and he just can't love me, but if that's the case, what is he doing staying?
