My husband too has never "left home". Dropped bomb back in Feb. Was supposed to leave after S8 finished school (May). DB'd my butt off, and he is still here!
All I wanted to add, was that you may want to explore why your H is LD. I USED to think mine was--he really isn't! And he kept it a well hidden secret for 8 years! By LD, I'm talking once a month at most.
During "the bomb" I found out more about this stuff than I ever thought possible to learn. He was detached from me and the R, and shared a lot of inner feelings that I guess he was too scared to open up about before. He did have plans to move in May, so I guess he figured "why not tell her, he's leaving anyway", that sort of thing.
I also got Dr. Laura's new book, Care and Feeding of Husbands. This is an AWESOME book, and on many levels I saw what my role was in the emasculation of my H. Nagging, criticizing, demanding, not initiating,etc, will make your H conflicted about sex. And I was SO guilty of all the above!
Our love life has zoomed to an unprecendented level since exploring this. I learned a lot over in the LD/HD section of this board, too.
So if you feel you have a "window" of opportunity, ask H some questions. Go for it when you feel he is detached. Do NOT take what he tells you personally--I did hear that my H looks at porn a lot on the internet, and he fantasizes about me and another woman, that sort of thing.
Actually, I asked him to show me some of that stuff on the internet, and we had a LOT of fun!! Don't want to get too X rated, but it really has been kind of a turn on.lol.
I am thinking also that the other posters are right about when your H acts "normal" with the ILs. Lucky!! You get to "appreciate" the heck out of it later. Don't worry about it being for show--my H will sometimes do things like that and I just act as if all is normal too--and you know--someday it just WILL be all normal again.
I have used this terrible time to find out more about my H than I ever thought possible. If he can leave me and find an OW that is more interested in him, and knows him better, well, it will be meant to be. But I know I have the upper hand--my H doesn't want to explain things too many times.lol. And it took him 8 years to open up this much to me? And some other new person is going to get all that off the bat?? I don't think so...
You are on the right track of being his best friend. Now explore your new "friendship" a little!
