Back from my bout of negativity and feeling much better about things. Atmosphere at home has improved as abruptly and mysteriously as it went downhill a few weeks ago. OK, I’m not detached.
H should be in a good mood – he’s on his second vacation in less than a month, bicycling across Utah. Anyway, things were very congenial before he left. The night before, we went out to eat and I gave him a new bike shirt – one of a collection of wild shirts that he’s into – and he really liked it and was surprised (gifts are his LL). Even said thank you “dear”, easily a slip of the tongue but I’ll take it. So, had to get up very early Sat morning to take him to airport. He drove and I only made one comment on driving (he was making me very nervous speeding to make up time). Anyway, he spent a good part of the time talking about how cool my Mini is (and it is very cool!) and how fun to drive. Very upbeat and friendly the whole way. Even said he was sorry I had to stay in the rainy weather while he was going somewhere sunny.
However, it’s clear that my boy is still in replay – still talking about possible sports car, possible third bike (titanium this time), etc. But I think because I don’t argue with any of these ideas, he seems to not feel so strongly about them. In fact I often agree that it sounds fun. This is my strategy to try and ride the MLC coaster with him whenever possible. So far, it has brought us closer, but we have still not shared any activity for the last six months other than eating out and a few times shopping. We’re still in separate bedrooms. But as long as he’s not sharing his time with anyone else, I’m OK for now.
In fact, I may have had a very tiny hint of possible good news. As I’ve said before, in the six months since the bomb, my H has never provided even the tiniest hint of any future together by his words. No future references to “us”, or “we” type activity of any kind. However, the night before he left I was making a comment that I really needed to visit my parents, it’s been over 1-1/2 yrs and they’re pretty old. Hard to describe so that it makes sense, but his response was an OK, that sounded as if he would be going with me, and that he was agreeing that we should?? My mouth almost fell open.
Hey – just got a nice compliment from my boss. He said my husband must be a fool to want to leave me.
So H has been gone since Sat am, and he called Sat pm and Sun pm. I’m trying not to have expectations but it’s hard. I know sometimes he sounds great on the phone and then seems down when he gets home. I’m still waiting to hear what his sleeping arrangements will be when his parents visit next week (they don’t know about separation plans). I’m trying to be prepared but I’m afraid I will be very upset if he moves back into our room and moves out again after they leave.
I would like to make the most of my opportunity if he moves back in for at least a couple of days, but H has always been a LD spouse. He doesn’t have any trouble going without for long periods of time, a source of a lot of my frustration and anger in the past. I think initiating anything will backfire. So, other than trying to look as enticing as possible, any suggestions from any and all fellow db’ers?
In4Ride
"Sometimes I wake up grumpy, sometimes I let him sleep."
