Whew! Busy last couple of days at work and too tired at home to lurk or post.
Feel as if we may have regained a little ground last night. H was so much like his old self (pre-MLC).
I have developed a new habit (3 mos now) of stopping on my way home for a little refreshment. I have stressful job where I generally am going full out all day, and this has affected my behavior at home in the past. Now I stop at coffee shop and spend 30-45 min relaxing, thinking, journaling while I drink my hot chocolate or frozen latte. It's a great buffer to get over any work stress before I go home so I can really be positive when I walk thru the door. I highly recommend this if anyone is in similar situation. This time is when I'm able to reflect in neutral space and recognize baby steps that I frequently over look.
Anyway, H got home from bicycle ride a few min after I did, and suggested we go out to eat (on a week night!). During dinner H starts asking how we are doing financially (uh oh). Which is a little bit of a switch in itself because during really bad time he insisted on checking our accounts himself as if I couldn't pay the bills right or might be spending too much money. Few minutes later he starts talking about that they want him to work this weekend and I make the connection and ask if that's why he asked about finances. Turns out he was willing to work over Mem Day weekend if we needed the money - Wow, is he starting to come out of Replay a little more? Also tells me he's going to caulk around the front door this weekend!? He is not generally very keen on home repairs.
Anyway, we did quite a bit of talking, joking and general good friends interaction. H also told me he was asked to ride in Rolling Thunder on Sun with a couple of AA guys, so I guess I will go pick strawberries Sun morning.
Even before last night while he was a little distant, my PMA has been really up. Can't explain it - I guess sometimes you just get in a zone. Feeling better that I have in years.
Just a further testament that "acting as if" really can be a self-fulfilling strategy, even for someone like me who has a history of being very negative.
