Looking for advice. Is it possible to try and go through it together? H seems to be somewhat receptive to doing things together, and would probably agree to do some things with me if I initiate. But I'm afraid he will go along just to be polite or out of guilt. Even in the beginning right after bomb dropped, he did say we could still plan on doing things together. I tried this once - a few months ago I asked him to go to Spy Museum one Sat. However, I could tell he only did it to be nice, and although he was very pleasant, we were still in that awkward post-bomb stage. I spun this into a positive by believing that although it wouldn't have been his choice to go, he did it for me and as an attempt to make a positive effort.
Since then our together activities are eating out and watching TV, which is very good I know, and I limit my "hanging around" time. Going out to eat on the weekends really allows us to converse and get to know each other again, almost like dating again - and it allows me to validate lots. The only other thing he's interested in doing is bike riding and I hesitate to push to become involved in what I believe is his "alone" time. And in the evenings he is at AA meetings.
My question is whether it's a good idea to become more involved in the whole mlc experience, sort of join in on the roller coaster ride. Has anyone tried this or is it always better to let them be? Since the bomb, I've let him take the lead initiating any together time. But even when he might agree to do more things together, is it a good idea to gently push for more?
One of the things I have finally learned with my H is that any answer other than an explicit yes, actually means he doesn't want to. "We'll see, "maybe", etc. all really mean no in his PA/conflict avoiding mind.
If Snodderly is out there, I would love any feedback on my H - who's obviously in MLC, thinks he wants out, maybe, thinks he wants to meet someone new, maybe, but still treats me very nicely and spends most of his free time with me!!??
