Nevanna and Bestfriends, Thanks so much for your responses. This bb has been a great source of comfort to me. Everyone is so supportive of the efforts to save our marriages. My friends think I’m doing amazingly well but they’re wondering how long I’m going to put up with it.
You’re right – the few times I’ve added a little mystery have gone well but I am running out of ideas. Also running out of 180’s but since it seems to be working, I’ll keep going. I am concentrating on being the best friend I can. When this all came down, he said I was his best friend. I just keep focusing on not pushing anything because that seems to work.
The separate bedrooms is really bothering me, but I don’t see him making any moves anytime soon. Especially since when I though he might be considering moving back in, he was planning on leaving the house altogether. However, in about one month my IL’s will be visiting and then he will have to move back in our room. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see what he does when they leave. Any suggestions from anyone how to handle this part?
No one either family knows except his oldest brother and his family, another strange choice for him to make because they are not particularly close. He is one of 5 siblings. I have had lunch a couple of times with this SIL, and HUGE surprise – she has been going through the same thing only worse for 4 yrs with his brother. We all thought they were the perfect family and I know H envies them quite a bit. He would be shocked how badly his brother is treating his wife.
H generally treats me with respect but I guess he’s got that MLC fantasy that there might be something better out there. He’s really a good man, but very passive-aggressive and a big conflict avoider. And clearly very good at pretending. I can’t believe I am so bad at reading what he’s really feeling. In fact, last Thanksgiving went so well that I thought we had turned a real corner in our relationship, but when I asked about it, he said he just likes to put on a good front when his family is around. All I can say is that he is one heck of an actor. This really concerns me because I believe I will never be able to trust that anything he shows me is real. How does one ever know? He doesn't talk and his actions seem to be just that, acting.
Thanks again, I will try to contribute to others as well.
