Just checking in. Keep moving on. Doing my thing. Working on becoming the best me I can be. Crying in the shower or car seems to be my thing when I need it. It’s less and less. But some days are harder than others. Blessed to have you guys, my coaching group and friends to talk to.
D’s now 18…whew..birthday was so amazing. I took her out to practice driving in the morning, D, H, and I took the dog hiking and then had an amazing dinner. The staff brought out cheesecake for my D for her birthday which she doesn’t like. So H and I split it. Then he asks he what she wants instead. So on the way home he makes a special stop at DQ to get her a blizzard. Not sure he would have done that 6 months ago.
Tonight D18 and I had a special night. Wicked then dinner. We both really liked the movie and both cried. We spent an amazing dinner analyzing it. We’re nerds.
D19 comes home for Thanksgiving wed. Looking forward to seeing her and to spend Thanksgiving with me dad. I think this will be the easier holiday. Christmas I think will be harder. Probably my favorite holiday and I always get a little emotional now that my mom is gone. Time will tell. I love giving gifts and seeing those smiles on my kids faces. So time will tell what happens.
H has already told me he wants to watch our college football team together tomorrow and have some drinks together. In the back of my head I keep wondering if this is like bd when I thought things were going okay, but then I know I’m different now than I was then.
I actually had a thought the other day wondering if he was lying about where he was and actually looking for an apartment or with OW. You know the stories in your head. And I actually thought, well what if he is. Not like I can do anything about it. It really surprised me having that thought, but it’s so true and that it just popped in my head and I accepted it. Was quite the feeling. No expectations.
I am sure you are looking forward to your D coming home for Thanksgiving. Enjoy the time you have with her. It sounds like your h was ok with going out to dinner for her birthday and then stopping at DQ to get her a blizzard.
The holidays can be very rough for those who have lost family members over the years. When you feel emotional, pull out those wonderful memories that you shared with family and allow the warm glow from those memories wrap you in a warm blanket of love.
As for your h, no expectations. Keep focusing on you and your family. Plan some fun things to do during the holidays and if he wants to tag along, so be it. Control you and what you can do and leave the rest in God's hands. He is the only one that can drive the bus.
Happy Thanksgiving and I want to hear all about the fun things that you did with your family this holiday.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Glad to hear D18’s birthday went well. Sounds like h/Dad managed to step up.
Originally Posted by bkerchik
I actually thought, well what if he is. Not like I can do anything about it. It really surprised me having that thought, but it’s so true and that it just popped in my head and I accepted it. Was quite the feeling. No expectations.
Excellent!
Yes, it is rather surprising the first time we think, we feel, we accept like that. Quite the milestone.
Keep on doing your thing. Like job said, make family plans and let H join in if he wants to.
How’s the driving practice going? A rather stress inducing rite of passage. In the end, a good stress. For both parties.
Hope you’re having a wonderful day.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Happy Holidays! May the new year bring all of you joy and comfort. May this be the year that your h gets his act together and realizes that home is where he wants to be.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you Job! We had an amazing Christmas with my in-laws. They live about 3 hrs away and my fil doesn’t get around so well anymore. So it was nice to have them here and spoil them!
Lots has happened. But yet not a lot. Thanksgiving with my dad was amazing. My h was so helpful getting things together. Oldest D’s boyfriend went with us and my dad really liked him.
Car issues…again. Issue with the engine that they couldn’t pin down. I wasn’t really comfortable getting a “new” (used) car because if things go down I don’t know what I can afford. Probably the closest we’ve come to an R talk since June. He insisted I get the car I really want and that I couldn’t keep driving the car I had since we don’t know the problem. I went with it and I love my new car.
H has been very helpful with Christmas. Almost that I don’t recognize things. Going shopping, getting stocking stuffers. I’m very thankful for the help and I tell him that but in the back of my mind I cant help but think he just feels guilty. Who knows. D(19) called him out in front of his parents about never being home. Which of course he got defensive about. She’s not wrong.
Future plans are being made which is confusing. Plans with d(18). Plans for my bday. Limbo. I continue to peel back the layers of myself in coaching. Things I had tucked away and thought I was over. Not too big of things but enough to realize it affects my thoughts and actions and gives me better insight.
Keep on keeping on and doing my best to be grateful for what I have. Making myself happy for me. Trying to be my best, for me. It’s hard to believe it’s almost been a year since bd.
I hope you all had an amazing Christmas and wishing you all a Happy New Year.
I am so glad to read that you and your family had a very nice Christmas. Treasure all of those wonderful memories that you made over this holiday. Your in-laws enjoyed themselves and it's good that they were able to come be with you and your family. You just never know what tomorrow brings when people begin to enter into their golden years.
Congratulations on the new car. I agree w/your h. It's best to get another one because it doesn't sound like the mechanics can locate the issue with the old one. Each time you take it in, it's more money passing hands and still no answers. At least you now have a reliable car to take you wherever you need to go.
I honestly don't think your h is going anywhere in the near future. He is content and you have been extremely good at giving him his space. It doesn't hurt to call him out once in a while. He's in teenage mode and just isn't aware of how things should be.
I would continue to peel back the onion on your life and finally get to the bottom of all of those things that you have stuffed down over the years. You will feel so much lighter once everything has been revealed.
You have so much to be grateful for. Many do not have their partners/spouses with them during this holiday season. Your h appears to be doing everything he can to make it a nice holiday for all.
Enjoy the rest of your holiday. So much magic takes place during this time of the season.
Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks Job! I do certainly feel blessed that he is here at home. He seems truly excited to celebrate my birthday.
No affection, no I love yous. That hurts a lot. The stories start in my head that he is just biding his time. Waiting until D(18) graduates. He pulled his extra credit card payment thing again this month. It doesn’t happen every month. I always feel like he thinks I’m an idiot for not noticing. But I already know how that conversation would go if I brought it up. Will I ever know the truth?
It takes time for them to come out of the "fog". He's not ready for affection and I love yous just yet. In time, that will come. I know it hurts, but he's just not "there" yet. No, I don't think he thinks you are an idiot. He's like a teenager and he doesn't want you to see what he has spent money on. Try to remember how teenagers act and that's what you have in your "man child" right now. They can be open one minute and very secretive the next. They also like to test you. If you react, then you give him the excuse to be secretive.
You do not want to come across as an authority figure, i.e., mother to him. The less you ask him things that puzzle you, the better. You can observe, store the info away and eventually all will be revealed when you least expect it.
Some day, all will be revealed...but it will be on his timeline, unfortunately.
Happy New Year to all!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
