Grief and Gratitude, Grok - day by day

[grok]

Flashes

D18, "Dad, Grandma said they wanted to do games tonight. I said around 5p, is that OK?"
G, prioritizing grandparent time, "sure, that is fine... do you have your schoolwork done enough for tomorrow?"

....church, grocery shopping, cleaning, put away from weekend camping with S14...

D18, with teary eyes, "Dad! Grandma is such a brat! I don't like her right now!"
G, emotional force fields up to accept calmly whatever pours out, "What happened D18? isn't it about time you were planning games with grandparents?"
D18, "Grandma asked if I wanted to do it at home or at mom's shop."

Oh! ... it didn't take but a split seccond to understand why that was sooooo wrong. Grandma effectively asking D18 to choose between Dad and Mom.

flashes

of

anger, disapointement, grief

that this is put on my children!!!

it all rolls though me in an overlaping instant

can't breath

then

G, "oh, yes, D18, that is NOT ok and not right to ask you."

and I don't say but am proud of her for seeing it for what it was ...

... I give D18 hugs.

G, "Why don't you go over to your mom's and take S14. I'll get the shopping done here while you are out. Just message me if you think of something we should get for this week. As you have an assignment due, pick a time when you need to leave and tell them this when you arrive."

My thinking... these are XW's parents, let them have an enjoyable few hours together...with XW and D18 and S14. D20 is out for the weekend visiting a friend three hours drive away.

coda

ring, ring,

D18, "Dad, we're on the way to mom's shop and she isn't answering. Grandma is trying the door but there is no response. I don't know if she even asked mom. I just thought you should know. "
G, "OK D18, thanks for calling. let me know if you head back home agian."

g



ps

S14 and I had a good time camping for a couple days (Fri/Sat/Sun) despite, "Dad, I DONT like camping" 14 year old grumpiness.

I launched into camping directly after... driving 6 hours to a concert Thursday night with D20 (We are the Messengers, Jeremy Camp, and Skillet) ... and D20 let me know the day before, "Daaaad, we have to be back before noon on Friday...I scheduled work!" So. Driving home from midnight to morning hours of Friday! Oh... to be young LOL.

In the Spirit of the Season. The Rockin' version

O Come, O Come Emmanuel - Skillet

O come, Thou Dayspring, come and cheer (Come and cheer)
Our spirits by Thinе advent here (Advеnt here)
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night
And death's dark shadows put to flight
...
Rejoice! (Rejoice!) Rejoice! (Rejoice!) Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel (Oh)
...
He's with us now



pps

Side story,

When We Are Messengers was finishing their set, next to last song, they played "Maybe It's Ok." I've quoted this song before. Acceptance of not being Ok, being broken...

Maybe it's ok if I'm not ok
'Cause the One who holds the world is holding on to me
Maybe it's alright if I'm not alright

The singer stopped and turned to the audience, "I'm a professional for my art...but I'm going to have to end it right here and not do the last song. I don't have it in me tonight. My Da called me two nights ago and said Ma had an MRI of her head. There's something there and she's not OK. I wish I was there with her right now. ... It's OK to not be OK. We are all broken sometimes." The audience gave him much love as he and crew exited the stage.

day by day