As always, some great advice from DNJ and others. You must focus on you, not on her. Exercise like you’ve never exercised before. It’s the best thing you can do for your mental health.
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When we eventually got chatting again she had a totally different tone with me. I was to blame for everything, she has no interest in getting back together, she should never have messaged me and we should go back to how things were.
I feel it quite likely this is indicative of an emotional or physical affair. This wild flip flopping back and forward (suddenly they seem to be waking up, and then a week later they flip back to burning it all down again) is a very common theme on this site. I’ve seen it so many times, and nearly always it shortly precedes discovery of an affair. Women are monkey branchers - they keep their old branch firmly in hand as a fallback option until they’ve really tested the new one out and get the confidence to finally let go of the old one. Google it! Accountability is also not the strong suit of a walk away or wayward wife, so as DNJ indicated, it’s a lot easier for her conscience and public image if she can get you to file rather than take responsibility for ending it herself.
I re-read your first post today. There’s so much going on.
Here’s where I ask the hard questions - but please know this comes from a place of kindness.
Why do you want to be with this woman? Is it because you genuinely want to be with a person who treats you like this? Do you think it’s temporary and she’ll snap back to who she was, or do you think this was there all along and you didn’t see it?
You’ve given your everything for this woman, and to wholly support her children from other men - and she’s just cut you off from them without batting an eyelid because she wants to “find herself”. You’ve doubled down with long term commitment, and yet she’s willing to drop you overnight.
She’s bipolar, and has been mentally and physically abusing you - in front of the kids.
Look, I get it - this is a pro marriage-saving website and forum. That’s why we all end up here. But I wouldn’t be being honest if I didn’t say that I think the future of this marriage sounds like a bin fire.
And rather than concentrate on her, her tattoo covering, her social media blocking and unblocking, her flip flopping and inconsistency … what you really need to do, is focus on yourself - asking why you want to try and save a marriage to a person like this. From the cheap seats, it doesn’t make much sense.
