Still detaching and embracing my new normal

[Valeska19]

All of us are unsure why H has pulled away to this degree. H isn't sending breadcrumbs. And then D's question of "Is he still with that lady" tells me she is sitting on the porch awaiting his return, while trying to live her life. Heartbreaking.

Is it typical for a clingy boomerang to become a vanisher?

I think it's typical for most people to avoid discomfort. It's not a natural trait rather than learned. Shame and hurt are not easy feelings to process on either side. Sitting in other people's anger of your actions is emotional maturity and it's hard to expect that from him at this time.

I've really considered filing for D. And then I realize that not much will change. I'll still live here. I'll still be responsible for my things. I'll still pay my way through life. I'll still be a mom, daughter, friend, sister and so on.

How many years will I be set back financially? How many more years do I need to work? Will he expect alimony? What does retirement look like? Do I keep or sell the roof over my head? Is there a mature man out there for me? And, how will S and D process me making the decision when they've held onto hope?

These questions have begun to weigh on me as I anticipate needing to start the season of reaching out for business things in Dec.

I think these are all really good conversations to have with oneself. Without emotion... marriage is a contract between two parties. If one violates the contract - usually there is a consequence. Looking into a legal separation to protect your assets, although emotionally painful, is a wise move from a business perspective. Perhaps it's time to look into that with the support of not your children rather perhaps a good friend?

Will D bring me closure? answers?

For me - there was a finality to it that allowed me to let go. Closure came to me much later. I was divorced in 2012... and I burned all of my wedding photos/cards/and sold my ring in 2020. When I had my burn party - it was like reading a story. It was very strange.

Answers still continue to come. I think that's because I had another relationship that recently ended and I think people just do what they feel is best for them. Rightly or wrongly really isn't the point. Do I wish either happened... I do not. Does it hurt that they do not choose me - it does. But I have also let go of people in my life - and I know it hurts them.

2 years is really a short period of time. You have done so much for yourself but the journey is still relatively young. You will continue to let go on your own timeline for your own reasons.