Threads which are old and new at the same time... Life goes on
Forgiveness?
Originally Posted by kiro
So out of the blue, my ex sends me a message apologizing for what she did and asking for my forgiveness. 8 years later! I always wondered if that days was going to happen…
Originally Posted by DnJ
How interesting. An out of the blue apology and asking for forgiveness. I bet her apologizing feels kind of good. Maybe even has some closure to it.
I suspect XW has some manner of pressure in her life which is prompting her to sort out her stuff. To tie up loose ends.
Have you forgiven her?
Originally Posted by kiro
To answer your question, I don’t know if I forgave her. I don’t even know what that word means. To be honest, I don’t think about it or about her anymore. I don’t hold any grudge or any bitterness inside me. So maybe that means I forgave her.
Temp checking?
Originally Posted by Kind18
Hard to know what her motivations were for apologising. Entirely possible that things with OM are a bit rocky at the moment. That’s what my ex-wife used to do when we were married - as soon as things between us got a bit rocky, she’d start reaching out to her ex partners apologising for what she’d done. I guess she was monkey branching and trying to test waters.
Originally Posted by kiro
My wife said the same thing about my ex when she sent me her aplogy. She said that she was testing the waters. Who knows and who cares?
How will I view this from a distance?
Originally Posted by kiro
The way I see it is that we had a good happy marriage and she ruined it. We could have grown old together and lived happily as a family.
Originally Posted by Kind18
Unwanted divorce was the worst time of my life. But like you, it delivered me to a much better place. It’s hard to be bitter years later when their decision to have an affair actually did you a massive favour!
Originally Posted by kiro
You are right about your last sentence. In a way, she did me a favour because I found my current wife. But I usually don’t like to think that way. I was also happy in my first marriage before she lost her mind.
And sometimes just older threads... pay no mind to the demons; they fill you w/fear
The MLC aspects woven through many experiences here. Certainly one aspect of my XW's behavior. In line with this description of being the safe one, my XW once almost whispered to me, "G, you're the only one I can tell and will listen. Everyone else will just condemn and cut me off."
Originally Posted by snodderly
When they are saying they want a divorce, cut ties, etc., they are already 2 or more years ahead of us. As he moves along the tunnel, he will eventually slow down to a crawl, but at the beginning many of them appear very quick and concise about what they want and do.
Please try to keep in mind that he's lashing out at the world and you are the safest person for him to do this too. They always say you hurt the one you love and believe me, it's true when it comes to dealing w/mlc. Try to picture him as a lion in a very small cage trying to break free. That is what your h is doing. You, the marriage and family are symbols of responsibility. He can't deal w/that right now. He has to break free, run and try to recapture his youth in order to go back to a time he was emotionally stunted. He has to grow up from that point on. I know it's difficult to accept that he's just a very angry person right now, but try to step away from his antics as much as you can.
Mlcers "expect" us to know that they are unhappy for many years...like the crystal ball is suddenly going to appear and say "your spouse/companion is unhappy...do something". They were so emotionally stunted as children that they don't know how to have a heart to heart discussion because they are afraid of how we'll react, but they would rather go out there and screw everything up and destroy all of the good things that they had.
The frustration of it all!!! Decades of planning, careful work, and ... yeah... I had XW and I set up to be able to retire in our early 60s with a middle-class income for life. Now it will be another ten years to get back to where I was financially at BD.
Originally Posted by Whiterose
why? why? why? we were so close to freedom all the hard work and the kids and everything and we were going to be able to enjoy our lives he went and screwed it all up
I took S13, D18, D20 to a CAIN concert last weekend featuring Jon Reddick / Caleb & John. connects to that thread title pay no mind to the demons; they fill you w/fear
No Fear - Jon Reddick
Yea, though I walk through the valley I will have ... No fear (not over my life, not over my life, not over my life) No fear (not over my life, not over my life, not over my life) ... Not over my family Not over my future Not over my life God's over my life Not over my battles Not over my struggles Not over my life God's over my life (No fear)
H:55 XW:50 D20, D18, S14 ILYBINILWY 3/23 DB1 4/23, rescinded 5/23, DB2 6/23 ("I can't do this, I Love HIM") Legal Mediation 1-5 & W leaves 8/23 – 3/24 Settlement 5/24, Court 9/11/24, D 9/16/24
