WAW to MLC XH bookends (it's complicated!)

[Unbeatab]

It's funny that you mention the caution of being in indifference.... I am feeling that pull.... I'm going out to see a band tonight, and am tired and lonely. Tired and lonely enough that any flirting could easily get out of hand. The interesting thing is that we experience the exact same states as our MLCers, we just call it something different for our side of the fence. Realistically, same thing except our heads are a bit clearer. What a great time for the LBS to journal their thoughts and feelings to use to put themselves in their MLCer's shoes!!! To even get a small taste of what they are up against... and it reminds us why detachment is so important.... you have your own (involuntary) LBS Crisis to handle! You just have better tools to work with than they do.

DnJ, I have the good fortune of being divorced for so long, and having this go round to take the time to do the dating thing if that's what I really want. And that's the kicker there, if that's what I logically (not emotionally) want to do. Like the MLCer, you'll more than likely be reminded the grass isn't always greener...and if your cognizant enough, take it for the ego boost it is and nothing more... or maybe you find someone who naturally meets your expectations for a relationship.

I have no responsibility reason for standing, other than the fact that I choose to love him. The only tangible thing we share are the kids, and they have never been an emotional priority for him... so I am leaving my future open to all possibilities... but I know no matter what, I will come out stronger and a better person for all the love and experiences , good and bad, we've shared.

For those wondering about going dark, I'd liken it more to having a dimmer switch than an on/off switch. Use it as it fits your current situation... for my situation, he understands what I need for myself when I tell him I'm going dark. It shows that I haven't abandoned him, but that contact is draining me and like he does, I need my space.

Last time, I instinctively and somewhat involuntarily went dark... I just wish I had known then what I know now about his chronic depression... that he even had it.... and I could've taken his coping mechanisms much less personally and stayed the course! When I left, so much time was devoted to dealing with the OM's nonsense that I didn't have time for worrying about much else. So when we reconnected several years later, X had, DESPITE the depression, put what energy he could into being a better partner. He felt the loss... and staying in contact when you are able to detach is so important because that is all they can offer you in return... that's why the lighthouse analogy is so spot on... the ship knows the lighthouse is there, but the captain isn't at the controls. The light from the lighthouse isn't always pointed in the ship's direction, but when it is it can save lives. Send out that occasional beam of light to show them where you are... it really does mean the world to them!

Sorry to wax philosophical... one of those days! I've got my girl empowerment playlist on the ready for when I get ready to GAL tonight... wouldn't be much fun to be around going with my mood as is! 😉