Detaching is so so so so so difficult. & I know you all know that, but gosh it just feels like there is an H shaped hole in my everyday right where he should be. Since he's moved out, I've attempted to go dark and have failed a couple of times by reaching out to him. Sometimes communication with him is just so confusing because one day he says he wants us to keep in contact, but then other days I can tell he's so angry with how our relationship has ended up and he acts like he never wants to speak to me again. Yesterday morning he called me just to tell me that he loves me and hoped I had a good day. Afterwards, he texted me and told me he wanted to see me before I have to leave to go out of town for a work trip. But two days before that he had told me he hasn't wanted to try to save our marriage for a long time now, and that unfortunately the failure of our marriage maybe just has to be a "lesson we both had to learn the hard way". It's confusing because if H is seemingly that ready to just give up and put the marriage behind us, then why the barrage of "I love yous" and wanting to see me? Difficult to wrap my brain around, and maybe it isn't for me to understand right now. At any rate, I'm trying to keep busy with projects around the house, walking my dog, and schoolwork. Whatever I can do to keep myself distracted and not reaching out to him.
