Hey it’s me. No changes here. Same old limbo land.
The event came and went. He told me that morning that he was going. I said oh that would be fun I wonder if there are tix left. He said no. There were. I said maybe I’ll go with my friend. He said no this is my thing that I want to do alone. Huh? Okay? I let it go but I had a really hard day because I knew he was with OW. Later that day another friend of mine invited me out. I would have gone but I would have had to drive myself and deal with parking in a bit so good area. She asked where h was, why wouldn’t he go. This friend doesn’t know what’s going on with us. I told her he was at a wine tasting, not lying for him. She asked why I didn’t go and I told her I wasn’t invited. She basically told me it was bull$hit and asked how long I was going to put up with this and I deserved better. That was a shock and I didn’t know what to say. She and her husband are friends with OW. If not for that I would have told her long ago. I just said I don’t know but I’m ready to do anything. She told me she would always be there for me. That was hard. I don’t know what to tell her. We’re having dinner next weekend and I just don’t know what will come up. The next day pics on Facebook of h and ow hanging out with her b and sil. Still hurts.
Had my good friends wedding this weekend. H told d19 all summer that he wasn’t going to go. But I told him some company would be nice and he said he’d think about it. Then he started talking like he was going to go. I told d and she said good because not going with you is not being a good husband. I didn’t comment. The day before he tells me he doesn’t want to go. The only reason I was upset was because I cancelled my hotel reservation because he and I would have had to drive home. Then no more rooms. D19 gave him a hard time and one of his reasons was that it’s just the dinner and dance, not the wedding. Anyway I expected him to be out all night while I was gone. But he picked up the kids dinner and watched the baseball game with them. Huh? Anyway I went to the wedding and had a blast! Then the next day he asks me how the ceremony was. What? He knew we weren’t invited. Did he actually forget or was it just bait. The old me would have made a sarcastic remark about him not remembering. I just calmly restated that it was just for family.
Things have been a little different. Why I don’t know. Instead of staying out until all hours after golf he’s home at a reasonable time. Even Fridays when he has “band practice” he’s been home early. And he doesn’t seem to be drinking as much. Very different. Why? Me? Her? Who knows.
I’ve been doing ALOT of self care and it has really been helping. Today was a little rough but I’ll get there. The uncertainty is still killing me. My friends that know keep asking what’s going on and don’t understand that I don’t know because I’m not bringing it up. Family Birthdays will start rolling this month. One every month until Jan. H wants to take the fam to dinner for his. D’s want to get him something. I group gift perhaps? Do I get him a card? With the holidays coming up I’m starting to wonder what will happen. We’ve always gotten stuff for each other. Do we now?
