JaeJae, I'm sorry you are here. I too had a partner with an addiction. It is not easy on the soul.
I'm going to gently suggest that you put things in place to start protecting yourself. A walk away partner is all over the place... add the addiction.. and it can turn sour very quickly. Being in denial about this won't help you. Taking care of the bills and expenses is now only an illusion of control. Again if its you or his addiction... he is going to choose his addiction.
Originally Posted by jaejae
I do believe him in that sense. & if for some reason he did, I know my support system is not going to let me fail as they want to see me finish graduate school.
I would start shifting to that support system now. You have spent your whole marriage thinking about him, basing your actions around him. That's how addiction works. They are the "mistress" you never asked for.
This "shift" doesn't have to be done over night. It can start discussing options with friends, attending support groups or going to therapy.
I know you know this deep down... but YOU can't save a marriage when an addiction is present. It's a relationship killer.
It's important that you get educated around their communication styles. Manipulation, gaslighting. Promises with no actions. And it's important to go back and see why you didn't listen to the alarm bells going off in your own body. It makes sense you wouldn't want kids with an addict... you know what that does being a child of one yourself.
I know you are coming here to save your marriage so I'm sure this is very much not what you want to hear. But I have walked a similar path. It's painful as all h3ll.. but the amount of time of suffer and how much...is entirely in your hands.
M(f): 43 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
