Jae is correct, believe nothing they say, and only half of what they do. Folks in crisis or deep emotional turmoil are slogging through a constant depression. And these folks display all manner of strange and weird behaviours.
Realize W has the attention span of a gnat. And she is being lead by her emotions. It’s easy to say “I filed”. Yet, to actually do the work, make the various decisions, and so on; that heavy-lifting; well that is another story. Some do blast forward burning bridges and anyone/everyone in their way, others get bogged down and procrastinate and delay.
Originally Posted by Kevf1
…I just don't understand why she'd say it if she hasn't.
I get it, it’s difficult to understand why they do what they do. Believe me, these folks do not know why they do what they do. They are reacting, lashing out, being driven by their ceaseless emotions - torments, pain, depression, etc. On the bizarre-o-meter, not following through with something, or basically lying, is pretty common and low on the scale.
Time and space. Let her do the heavy lifting. Keep focus on you.
Originally Posted by Kevf1
but now my brain on over drive again!
Big red stop sign!
Envision one. Right in front of you. And stop your runaway thoughts. Even if it is only for a moment or two. Those small, purposeful, steps do accumulate and you will detach and regain your self quicker.
Originally Posted by Kevf1
Why would she torture me like this, it's been hell waiting a month to be served, wondering every day if this will be the day. Obviously I don't want a divorce, so I should try to see the positive, but I just don't understand why she'd say it if she hasn't.
A few suggestions/tips/thoughts:
I get how hellish that is. Waiting. Expecting.
Dial your expectations to zero.
Was she torturing you? Or were you torturing you? W isn’t that powerful. She cannot control your emotions. She can try to. Maybe even was, by telling you she filed. However, you control you. Do not give your power away.
You contacted HMCTS and learnt there is no petition against you. All that worry, fret, expecting, waiting for the shoe to drop - all normal, yet such an expense of emotional energies.
Uncertainty. Limbo. Yes, difficult unwanted to live with. It is nicer, better, when we know what’s going on. However, life, the future, is pretty uncertain. Turn this on its head and embrace the uncertain. Embrace limbo.
Embracing limbo/uncertainty is letting go of the need to control. It’s not some rudderless state, with you adrift to the whims of fate, it’s you accepting what you cannot control; and focusing and exercising your control on what you can.
One of the greatest gifts is time. The future is thankfully unknown and unwritten. Let it unfurl as it will, on its time.
If one is depressed, they are living in the past. If one is anxious, they are living in the future. Living in the present moment brings peace and contentment.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
