WAW to MLC XH bookends (it's complicated!)

[Unbeatab]

So, was really touched at how many people were inspired to change their lives by the quote "If you can't love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else?", and very stupidly thought it might be something I could share with him.So yes, did text it to him.

X: ???
Me: I hope you're taking care of yourself.
X: (an hour and a half later) Yes for once
Me: That's good.
X: You?

I never replied. Super flub on my part for sending it! Learned my lesson... still our fault that his life is the way it is. No more texts. If he contacts us someday, I know for sure not to mention anything about his mental health... he was open to it before S2 moved in/Uncle's death happened... no more texts to let him know we're still here from now on.

Had a big shift in attitude towards the whole sitch last night, after having to pay someone to help remove a stubborn rusty nut from under the sink... furious that we're struggling while he's off living his easy peasy life... he mentioned awhile back that there was no effort required with his OW (if they are still together, they APPARENTLY have an understanding that they are not in a relationship), and at the same time he mentioned he's staying at his one job because it's easy. I don't have time for his poor me crap. Yes, today is an angry day... I'm just fed up and am taking initiative think like a single mom, and assume it's going to stay that way for quite a long time!

Huge shift in work sitch, so really don't have patience for much right now. Had to tell my unofficial business partner that I can't take over the store... so the boys and I are shooting out resumes left, right, and center! We're on our own now... he puts a tiny bit of money in the boys' accounts, but not enough to get desperately needed new clothes and they both have cell phones that should have been replaced years ago... it's not worth contacting him and hearing the self-importance in his voice that we need him... especially since he can turn on a dime and throw it back on us that it's a hassle.

I'm getting much better at not getting triggered by every 20-something looking female that I see and wondering "Is that what she looks like?" Less triggered by books (I've been moving Smut/Romance to a new place in the store for the last while, and the amount of "older man" stories is pretty noticeable), TV and movies.

I know it's only been a few months since the reconnection attempt got the huge derailment, but it honestly feels like forever. Going dark on my side was the best decision I've made, and at this point I'm kind of relieved that he hasn't called me... still hurts that he has no need for any sort of communication/relationship with the boys. I know if it doesn't bother them, it shouldn't bother me... but it does.

Onward and upwards it is for us!