As you’ve seen W is making less than rational decisions. She is acting upon her feelings; being emotionally driven. Removing your name from tattoos, deleting wedding pictures, yet keeping other pictures, all rather reactionary. Burning her world down. Let her feel the loss. Remain out of it. No need to further paint a target upon yourself, W is already doing that.
Time and space.
Hopefully, at some future point, W realizes “hey Kev hasn’t been bothering me and I still feel unhappy.” Then with some good fortune she goes further and “hmmm, perhaps he isn’t the cause after all.” And with some really good fortune she decides to look inward.
That is the hope. Realize the path of a crisis is long and twisted. And incredibly slow. Is she in crisis? How well will she proceed? Time will tell.
Originally Posted by Kevf1
She's accused me of making her out to be the bad person in this when all I've done to everybody who has asked me what's happened is that it is all my fault. I take full responsibility for working to much and her feeling neglected. She's also accused me of messaging people who I would not even speak to if I passed them in the street.
Only take responsibility of your part in all this. And fix it. Become better.
I’d stop feeding the gossip. By now your family and close friends know. Acquaintances and such need not know the details. “We’re separated” will suffice for those that push.
Originally Posted by Kevf1
Think what makes it difficult is I know the neglect she's felt. I worked bloody hard for the right reasons, to provide for her and her 4 kids, but I get how much that she felt alone. My love was there, but not how she wanted it and what she was used to before I started business in 2020. So I wonder is this the main driver of our situation and her MLC, bipolar and menopause are secondary to that or is the MLC the driver and she's latched onto that as the reason for how unhappy she is.
Don’t beat yourself up too much. You did the best you could with the tools you had. Did W sit down and discuss that she felt neglected? Told you what she needed or wanted? Probably not. Couples think the other should somehow just know. We cannot read minds.
An interesting read is The Five Love Languages. It will open up a world to you. How folks express their love and receive love. And lots of times those two are not the same. And the partners are not the same. For example, a hypothetical husband feels loved by physical touch and expresses his love through acts of service. The hypothetical wife expresses her love with acts of service as well, yet feels most loved with quality time. They both are showing their love yet it is not being fully received. With both not realizing (and learning) there are different dialects of love they both grow despondent and apart.
Originally Posted by Kevf1
Thing is its like being out at sea in rough weather. 1 day the waves are high and I struggle with the thoughts and emotions, the next day (or even few hours later) I'm feeling positive and believe we will be back together.
Hang in there Kev. Calm seas are coming.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
