I wonder am I just trying to cling onto the slightest bit of hope. Is it really a mid life crisis. Is it that she's just snapped and is a walk away wife that can hardly ever be recovered. How much is the menopause or her bipolar affecting the situation. Its all just to confusing to me to get my head around.
It’s ok. Everyone requires a certain level of rationalizing and understand before they can will let go.
Is it a midlife crisis? Emotional turmoil? A walk away wife? Time will tell. However, it matters little. Your path is the same.
Being hopeful is fine. I certainly am a proponent of keeping the flickering flame of hope alive. Just do not sit. Move forward. Keep moving forward, while maintaining hope. (This is about healing. For at times, being still is moving forward.)
I get how it looks like she just snapped. That’s why it’s called bomb drop. They drop and kaboom. All quite sudden. Thing is, W has likely been quietly and secretly planning her exit in her head for quite some time.
Originally Posted by Kevf1
If someone said to me the day before BD your wife is leaving you tomorrow I just wouldn't have believed them. And if they said shes going to do all what she's done since that day I would have laughed in their face and told them they really don't know my wife. Even to where she has stopped me seeing my dog, never in a million years would I have believed she is that type of person.
I hear you man. Very much the same for me.
These hurt folks, crisis folks, become the opposite of who they were. They’ll do things they’d never have done. Their actions, behaviours, it’s all bizarrely staggering.
Originally Posted by Kevf1
I just cant stop thinking about her, wondering how her days been, is everything ok with her and her kids, how is my dog doing, its just constantly in my head.
It’s perfectly normal to have all those thoughts swirling around on loop at the beginning. Detachment is the single best thing you can do for yourself, and it takes a little while to get there.
Focusing on you of course helps. Another great thing: Big Red Stop Sign.
When the thoughts and feelings get overwhelming, imagine a big red stop sign right in front of you. And stop. Arrest your runaway thoughts and emotions. Takes some practice, and it works.
Another tip is how one speaks and thinks. Can, can’t, will, won’t, for example. Your mind is always listening and will make your reality as you ask it to.
In the above, you can’t stop thinking about her. In truth it’s won’t not can’t.
Won’t is fine. Good even. Why? Because can’t, cannot, makes something impossible. Now I get how it all currently feels impossible, but it isn’t. Usage of won’t means letting go, detaching, and so on, is possible. It’s just going to take time.
That’s the key. Possible. Realizing things are possible. And keeping them such. How one speaks influences how one thinks. And one can inadvertently prolong their journey.
It’s perfectly ok to be thinking about her, to be thinking as you are. In fact, if you weren’t I’d be worried. Just want you to see how you can lessen it. Not so much stop it, rather find peace and acceptance. And yes, that’s bloody hard work.
The same for do vs try. Do or do not, there is no try. “Doing” adopts a mindset which has a higher rate of success. “Trying”, right out of the gate, allows, sets up one to quit or fail easier.
For today, it’s good enough to realize you won’t (right now) stop thinking about her. To realize however that it is possible to control those thoughts. And reenforce such realization with correct language/thinking. Your mind is always listening.
Tomorrow, take a wee step, utilize the stop sign and craft a moment of peace. Purposefully. Do it. Just a wee moment/step.
All journeys, regardless of how grand, all start with a small step.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
