I have been a lurker here for about a week so have read through a lot of other posts but thank you for the material, much appreciated.
I’m glad you signed up and shared your situation.
Originally Posted by Kevf1
Not spoken to a lawyer as really no need to. We only rented our house so I just moved out as didn't need a 4 bed house to myself. And I have nothing else she can have. I left her with everything in the house, just took my stuff.
Are you still listed on the rent? You might be responsible for half of it.
It does sound like the business side is rather straightforward. No custody issues, nor joint accounts or loans.
Originally Posted by Kevf1
I'm 100% committed to giving her space. In fact I currently have no choice anyway. I do believe this is probably not something I have control over anyway and she's probably never going to engage with me and I'm expecting the block to be permanent . Anything else will be a bonus. It all just seems very final at the moment!
You are correct about control. You only control three things: your thoughts, your actions, and your reactions. You cannot control or force her to engage with you.
However, you do have influence. How you conduct yourself, how you control yourself, living/loving your life, being strong and attractive, and so forth. All that does exert an influence upon others (and yourself). Be the best version of yourself. A man only a fool would leave.
W is watching. No doubt. Whether she alters course or not, time will tell.
Originally Posted by Kevf1
She blocked me on all ways of contacting her. Then over next few weeks I was unblocked and blocked numerous times. She dropped some bits of mine shed found of at my mums 28th August and told me she's filed for divorce and I should have the papers soon. When we separated I asked her to hold off on divorce for at least 6 months but she seems to be rushing this as quick as she can. It’s now 09 September and I've not received papers, I've also been blocked again since that day.
Blocked, unblocked, then blocked again. Yep. She’ll flip and flop about. Lots of confusion within her. Going to take time and space for her to sort herself out. Let her.
During this time, your job is yourself. Living your life.
Leave the heavy-lifting of divorce to W. Don’t place and boulders in her path, yet don’t pave it gold either.
I’d not make any further requests of delays of her. You’ve already asked her to wait 6 months. I get you are hoping that within those six months she’ll wake up before she pulls the plug. Unfortunately the delay, your delay, will likely fester within her. And it will become fodder she uses to further her narrative of things.
It’s hard, yet don’t manipulate her path. Let her feel her consequences. Also, you do not want the responsibility of how her life turns out upon your head. She’s making her bed, let her lay in it.
Be kind and cordial with her, if/when she does speak with you. Be businesslike. No relationship talks. No sappy love letters. No birthday cards. No anniversary cards. No presents. And so on.
It’s counterintuitive for most folks. Do a 180. GAL. Focus on you. Perhaps she notices and becomes interested. Perhaps not. Doesn’t matter. That’s beyond your control. You are doing this for you! And giving yourself the best chance at saving your marriage.
You save yourself first. The marriage is the bonus.
Hope you have a wonderful day.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
