I am sorry you are going through this. Below I’ve pasted the welcome post for your reference. There are many links to a trove of useful information. Do take some time to read through it.
Have you read Divorce Remedy by MWD? If not, do get a copy. It is a most worthy read, and what Divorce Busting is all about.
Originally Posted by Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
It is important to realize that W is presently not on team Kevf. For the time being, the less you share with her the better.
Have you spoken to a lawyer? If not, I’d do so right quick. Moving out, signing agreements, etc. All very big life decisions that can have major repercussions. It’s best to have and follow the advice of a legal expert.
Originally Posted by Kevf1
Is she seeing someone else. Maybe she fell for someone in her new job.
Is this mid life crisis, bipolar, menopause or is it just she doesn't genuinely want me anymore. It’s been 2 months since BD and I'm still struggling with it all.
I know you are struggling, questioning W and your relationship and your history. W is spinning a narrative. It’s a perfectly normal response to question as you’ve believed and trusted W for years. Like I said, W is spinning a narrative, you know the truth.
Originally Posted by Kevf1
I'm going to the gym 3 times a week, Counselling every Tuesday. I've had 2 sessions of hypnotherapy to help with low self esteem and confidence issues. Trying to work on my own personal issues but without her by my side it seems pointless.
Time and space. W needs it. And lots of it.
Continue to focus on you. Get a life. Find hobbies and activities to stay active. The gym is an excellent activity. Counselling is also good. Working on your personal issues will always pay dividends.
Originally Posted by Kevf1
I should add she has been physically and verbally abusive over the 13 years. her children have witnessed it numerous times and so have my 2 daughters. Never once have I retaliated. I'm a bloke and big enough to take it. I know she doesn't mean it, it’s just her bipolar makes it hard for her to manage her emotions.
I get the idea of a big bloke letting her abuse bounce off you. However, abuse is not right. Period.
Yes, her bipolar condition may highjack her emotions. Hopefully she has and seeks medical advice and medication adjustments to minimize such outbursts.
Bipolar, mid life, new job, feeling old, etc. Lots of stresses W seems to be trying to ignore/deny. It’s common for a loving spouse to lash out at their partner. Blame you. Craft a story/narrative to justify their behaviour. It’s not about you!
You didn’t break her, therefore you cannot fix her.
Time and space.
I look forward to conversing with you.
DnJ
- - - -
Welcome to the board.
Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.
The first thing you should do is be sure to read the Divorce Remedy (DR) book by Michele Weiner-Davis. The following link is the first chapter:
Once your registration to the site has been completed you can post and start a thread. Please have only one thread active at a time (per forum); it keeps your situation organized and is easier for those following along and posting to you. There are a few forums which help categorize posters’ situations.
When your thread reaches 100 posts, it will be time for you to start a new thread. It is a good idea to link your old thread to your new one, and even link the new one back to the previous one. That makes it easier for the folks following your story. (There is a help thread on linking in the sticky threads at the top section of the forum’s display.) A moderator will “close” your full thread which prevents further posting to it. It is still available to read.
Post in small frequent replies on your thread. Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity can be very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down.
Post on other people’s thread to give support.
Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL).
DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
