Hi. Heres my story. May be a long read. Im 48 my wife 46. UK. Together 13 years and will have been married 10yrs this coming October 6th. We have known each other since kids as our parents were friends. I have 4 step children with my wife and 2 adult daughters myself.
For last 5 years we ran our own business. I worked hard, 7 days a week, 15 hr days to provide a good life for her and her children. Working that hard isn't healthy, but i felt trapped financially as a family of 6, rent on 4 bed house and all bills etc hasn't been cheap. The fathers of her kids have never provided a single penny for them, don't even see them so it all fell on me, and I stepped up as best I could. I gave the business up In March as I know it was becoming to much.
In April my wife started a new job. She enjoys the job, new friends, most are single or divorced etc but its a hard job, 12 hour days on her feet.
She has also said over the last 12 months a few times, that although she's mid 40's she still feels so young and not ready to be old.
On July the 12th, 2 days after her daughters 16th birthday, her youngest child, she totally blindsided me with BD. She went out the night before to our local pub to meet up with a former customer of ours (who my wife didn't really like dealing with) because she was also starting work where my wife worked so wanted to know about the job. The next morning we were sitting in the garden talking about her evening, and i just said to my wife, do you love me babe (we both often done this, was just our way, not because of insecurities or anything) and she just looked at me and said its not the same anymore! My world fell apart that moment. She said she felt neglected for the 5 years I ran our business and even though I'd given it up in March it was to late, the damage had been done. She said she wants to find her old self again and learn to love herself. I went out for the day to be on my own and get head around what was happening. When i returned home all my stuff had been packed up and she told me to leave. I couldn't has had nowhere to go. She called police on me because I wouldn't leave. They turned up but because I had done nothing wrong they couldn't make me leave. When police left she got straight on phone to someone and was proper bad mouthing me, saying nasty stuff about me all so I could hear. I just went to bed. The following day I disappeared for the day, to make things easy for her and try arrange somewhere to live. I came home in the evening and she didn't come home until gone 02:00 that night. I went downstairs when she came home and told her I'll move out in 3 days time. The reason I moved out was because she has her 4 kids D16, S18, S20 and S21 and I would not have been able to afford rent on a 4 bed house on my own.
The day I moved out she got the tattoo of my name on her arm covered over. She blocked me on all ways of contacting her. Then over next few weeks I was unblocked and blocked numerous times. She dropped some bits of mine shed found of at my mums 28th August and told me she's filed for divorce and I should have the papers soon. When we separated I asked her to hold off on divorce for at least 6 months but she seems to be rushing this as quick as she can. Its now 09 September and I've not received papers, I've also been blocked again since that day.
She is going through the menopause and is also bipolar.
In the last year she got her 1st passport, she'd never been abroad. So last September her and my mates wife had a 3 night trip to Gran Canaria. In October me and her had a week in Crete for our wedding anniversary (and we both said how good we are together still). In February I bought her the car she'd always wanted. She wanted a family holiday before her kids got to old so in April all 6 of us went to Portugal. Even for her daughters 16th birthday, she went to Majorca for the day!! All this was possible from working hard in our business. But she says she was never bothered about this, she just wanted my time. And yes, I should of given her time and presence as we were so close to one another prior to business but it trapped me and life circumstances meant it couldn't grow as we had planned so was unable to take another worker on to give us a break.
She's cut every mutual friend from social media. Basically disappeared from my life. I now know nothing about her. I sit here thinking did she ever love me, was I just an easy soft man she could use as a stepdad for her kids until they were old enough. Is she seeing someone else. Maybe she fell for someone in her new job.
Is this mid life crisis, bipolar, menopause or is it just she doesn't genuinely want me anymore. Its been 2 months since BD and I'm still struggling with it all. I'm going to the gym 3 times a week, Counselling every Tuesday. I've had 2 sessions of hypnotherapy to help with low self esteem and confidence issues. Trying to work on my own personal issues but without her by my side it seems pointless.
Obviously I was a stepdad for 13 years, and I've lost them. I've not seen them since the day I moved out and have no legal right to do so. She wont even let me see my dog. I said I'd love to have him for a few hours a week but she's controlling everything.
I should add she has been physically and verbally abusive over the 13 years. her children have witnessed it numerous times and so have my 2 daughters. Never once have I retaliated. I'm a bloke and big enough to take it. I know she doesn't mean it, its just her bipolar makes it hard for her to manage her emotions.
She has messaged my mum before the day she she said she'd filed for divorce. She said to my mother she never wanted any of this. When my mother replied we must be able to salvage this, she replied we will never be getting back together. She has now blocked my mother who my wife had said was more of a mum to her than her own mum. My mum and dad were friends with her parents so have known my wife since day she was born.
She has a history of just cutting people from her life. Her dad she went 12 years without speaking to, but is now. She cut her mother out of her life and 1 of her sisters 4 years ago. I have tried to get her to sort things with her mum over last 4 years but she refuses to. I said to her nothing can ever be resolved if you dont talk, but because she can be very nasty sometimes with her emotions and verbally, I think she's scared of confronting her mum because then her mum will see what she can be like.
There is so much more but this is me trying to keep it short. Thanks for reading.
