I don't know if MWD still partners with the coaches that were listed before the website update. After our 1st BD, I did reach out and work with one for several weeks. I found it worthwhile for many sessions. It did get to a point where the DB coach seemed to drift away from DBing and MWDs approach so I actually pivoted to relying on my IC from that point forward. Perhaps you could email MWD or her assistant, Virginia I believe, to see if they might still connect you with those coaches if available. Or, it may be time to find an new IC. Have you told your IC that you don't feel the sessions are helping? It can be challenging to start over with a new one so I'd recommended having a candid discussion with the current IC to try and reset what you want to get out of the discussions and make your expectations clear. I hope that helps. Keep working on yourself - that's what's most in your ability to influence right now and it will serve you well in the long run, no matter how the relationship turns out.
Unfortunately, as time passes some posted information becomes out of date. Another example, Virginia, she retired a few years ago. I do realize there are names and phone numbers of past/retired DB contacts out there (Christy); I would like to clean that up a bit.
I agree with MrP. Have you mentioned to your IC how the sessions seem to have stagnated? This would likely bring up questions of what are hoping to gain from IC? Even if you don’t bring this up with your IC, the question remains. Once you answer, what you are looking to gain, you can decide your course.
A new IC may be in the cards, or even no IC. We do, or should, out grow IC methinks.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Venting… just made copies of recent spending habits for my records. He just made a large payment on his super secret work credit card. No expense check even deposited this time. He has it, it came in the mail. This is craziness. I know I shouldn’t say anything, that I have records. But I so want to scream about it!
I understand how you feel. You want to scream so badly and confront him. The best thing you can do is make copies and document everything you can. Please be sure to put your copies and all documentation in a safe place where he can't find it. I found that by making a spreadsheet of all of the documentation helped me to keep things straight when I needed to present all of it to a lawyer.
Continue to come here to vent. This is the safest place to do so. If you need to scream, take a drive and go to a quiet place and scream as much as you need to. Dealing with these folks takes all of the patience that you have and then some. As they always say, dig deeper for patience.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Need some insight…remember the wine tasting H went to I the spring with the disappearing wine bottles. Well they are having another one and I thought it would be a lot of fun to go with one of my good friends. I looked at the cost and thought hmm I remember seeing something like this that H charged on the debit card. I’ll bet anything he’s going and hasn’t told me. And I’m sure he’s going with OW (but still no proof of EA or PA) Do I still innocently go with my friend as planned? This is one of my friends that has been so totally supportive. Do I leave it alone and do something else? Honestly I’m afraid to bring up much of anything right now. D19 leaves on Sunday. Summers over and I don’t know what that means.
I think you and your friend should go and have a fun time.
As for H, tell him you’re going to the wine tasting. Just a causal comment. A letting him know you will be out that day. Something like, “Hey H, <friend> and I are going to the wine tasting on <date>.”
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
I’d go with what DnJ says. He’s seen a lot come through here. Here’s my reaction…just now had time to write it. Colorado Springs today. Whew!
Originally Posted by bkerchik
Do I still innocently go with my friend as planned?
Some questions so you can clarify the issue to yourself. …. What were your reasons for going in the first place? Was it anything to do with H?
Originally Posted by bkerchik
Well they are having another one and I thought it would be a lot of fun to go with one of my good friends.
No? Then why does his going or not affect what you do? Go or not go because YOU want to, or not, with your friend.
Yes, I fully understand the internal emotional impact of
Originally Posted by bkerchik
And I’m sure he’s going with OW
and thinking about how to react if the two of them are there.
Perhaps … A thought experiment… How would you react to some other man you knew showing up with his OW?
Or to paraphrase RobX, a past strong commenter here on the boards.
***** You casually walk up and say, Hey H, Hey OW, good luck you two. You’re going to REALLY need it.. Then you walk away first and enjoy the event with your friend. No explanations. *****
Worry about how to react, etc…, is H’s problem. Not yours. You have nothing to excuse or explain. H does. Let H face the truth and consequences himself. … not out of spite. Perhaps … Grace.
g
Grace - U2
Grace It's a name for a girl It's also a thought that Changed the world … She carries a pearl In perfect condition What once was hurt What once was friction What left a mark No longer stings … Because grace makes beauty Out of ugly things
Grace finds beauty In everything
Grace finds goodness In everything
H:55 XW:50 D19, D18, S13 ILYBINILWY 3/23 DB1 4/23, rescinded 5/23, DB2 6/23 ("I can't do this, I Love HIM") Legal Mediation 1-5 & W leaves 8/23 – 3/24 Settlement 5/24, Court 9/11/24 <-, D 9/16/24
The reason I thought about going was that I thought it would be fun, nothing to do with H. If I decide to go he will see it in the bank records beforehand but I don’t know if he’d say anything. Right now he doesn’t know I’m thinking about going. I just happened to put 2+2 together on a charge he made which made me question whether I should go. If he is there with her he will be blow it off as “we are friends” like he has always told me.
