WAW to MLC XH bookends (it's complicated!)

[DnJ]

Hello Un

I am still reading and absorbing your situation. However, some quick answers/opinions to your questions.

Can someone really forget that a chunk of two days happened?

Yes. Absolutely. Depression can affect one’s mind is some wild ways. Forgetting events. Or denying events, which is more likely. Part of grief. In time, denial gives way and events are “remembered”. Then those memories, events, etc can be processed.

That reconnection before June felt an awful lot like a proper reconnection attempt, and not a touch & go.... was it possibly, but then thrown in the trash by the two trauma triggers?

XH is pretty unstable at the moment. Was the time in June an actual attempt at reconciliation? Perhaps. However, if it was it was likely throwing off course due to uncle’s death. The mix up with your friend obviously pushed XH away as well.

I’d not say it’s thrown in the trash. XH has slide back. And you have an opportunity to sort out your side of the street. Being a lighthouse for example.

My biggest concern... because I triggered the 180 when (from my point of view... who the heck knows what was going on in his head!) I rejected him when I couldn't perform... a call back to a major trauma in his life, is detaching by going dark on my side a good idea?

You acknowledge you don’t know what going on in XH’s head. Heck, even he doesn’t know. So, watch out for mind reading on your part. Hence, the strikethrough.

H has lots of emotions to burn/work his way through. Letting go and giving him to God, the universe, a higher power, is a good thing. Go dim (not dark). Be kind and cordial. Yet, focus on you. GAL.

Do your inner work. And be a lighthouse. (Read the lighthouse story in the welcoming thread if you don’t get the reference.) You can light the way, illuminate the rocks, but XH steers his ship.

You’ve got the gift of time. Use it wisely.

I look forward to conversing with you.

D